Categorized | Other

The Count Down Begins …

Posted on 28 March 2006 by Liza Mae V.

I find it so terrifying that my days of University are almost over yet it seems like so far away since I have so much to accomplish before then. I am so swamped with work that it is all I think of. Until next Friday! Then of course, exams start, but that hasn’t been overwhelming me yet because I am taking one task at a time. *sigh*

Tomorrow I have a presentation and I get nervous when I have to do presentations. Ahhhh. Hopefully my partner will speak more than I because I hate speaking in front of everyone. He seems to love to speak infront of people, so most likely he will speak more. lol.


I miss him. I finally reached a point of stillness within myself with him. I have never reached this point in my life where I am confused about anything and everything is in its place. I feel so refreshed and when days are rough, he gives me a breath of fresh air. Though sometimes he takes my breath away. It amazes me how men or maybe just him, can turn their emotions with a flick of a switch. He could be the most affectionate person one minute, and be totally focused on his work or music, another minute. Woman’s transitions are much slower. After sex we need to cuddle … men just want to pass out. lol. I can’t speak for all sexes but that is what Martina and I spoke of the other day. Everyday I do not see him, my days do not feel complete, but that’s life. Schedules are conflicting, deadlines have to be met, priorities have to be considered, and there is always tomorrow.

Somedays are more heart wrenching than others because the need for physical touch of our lover is lacking, the affection, the scent of their natural essence, just the feel of their positive aura surrounding us with love.

I miss the feeling.

Some nights I crawl in a ball in my bed, holding my pillow wishing it was replaced with him. Solid as a rock, but he has this warmth that heats up my soul. He’s the reason for my being.

Ever wake up and think what’s the point of all this life that I am living? I found that meaning. To love him and be loved by him. To learn to adapt to each others weaknesses and build each other to become better people.

This has been the most stable I’ve been in my life. It is better than the ‘honey moon’ stage or first few months of a relationship because there is no more guessing,
‘How does he feel about me?’
‘How do i feel about him?’
‘Is this feeling real or surreal?’
etc.
Everything is clear, though somedays are cloudy. Most of the time the sunshines through our disagreements and we find our way through it. I realized how important communication between us is the medium that brings us back to the middle. My emotions aren’t so confusing, jumping from one extreme to the next (ex. Happy to Sad, vice versa). My emotions aren’t controlled but they reach this equilibrium state after the extremes are reached.

Just to think I was questioning EVERYTHING about him, me, and us, a few months ago. Now I feel as though I acquired most of the answers along the way. Picking up the pieces, one by one, getting closer to this point of wisdom and knowledge.

-Liza Mae V.

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5 Comments For This Post

  1. hybridhelix Says:

    When you think you know the answers, you are really the furthest from the truth.

    I’ve come to realize through experience that love like life is best kept un figured. Every breathing minute of your life you are being spun around by forces much greater then yourself. Have you ever really wondered what would happen if you really stopped to figure life out? Try this…spin yourself around as fast as you could and make a dead stop , grab a something you wrote and try to read it. There you go…you’ve just got a minuscule taste of what life would be if we stopped to figure it out. I believe the reason why at times it feels as though we have moments of clarity is because we pause in introspect and realize how fast others go by and watch them as they collide into us and analyze their reactions and how they affect us. However, I’m glad you’ve gotten one…they are rare and usually come to late into life to be of any use. -Brid

  2. darksithmilitia Says:

    You Canadians are so cute sometimes

    It’s COLLEGE ya damn Cananuks

  3. lizamae Says:

    Canucks*

    No its not college … damn americans! lol.
    The distinction is …
    College, you get a diploma, sortof like community college
    University, you get a degree!

    -Liza Mae

  4. lizamae Says:

    Re: When you think you know the answers, you are really the furthest from the truth.

    I’m quite confused about the moments of clarity speech.

    I understand that you can not stop and figure out life instantaneously but you can stop to smell the flowers and appreciate the moments had and the moments forthcoming. Life is as complicated as you want it to be. The truth is in the moment which is in fact instantaneous but when you refresh those moments over and over, then it becomes a constant. This is where I am .. in a constant field of emotions.

    -Liza Mae

  5. Anonymous Says:

    Lmfai I knew I spelt it wrong and yes, I have heard that arguement before, about the euro idea of University/College. It’s not like that here. Community College = Community College. And, since our military is the strongest, everyone shold talk/think like us.

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I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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