lover’s quarrel

Posted on 22 February 2009 by Liza Mae V.

The early hours of Sunday morning I sit here with my earphones listening to a India.Arie’s new album Testimony Vol. 2 Love and Politics for the first time while feeling the material of the seat warm my bottom and seeing my love on my right peripheral sitting in front of his laptop.  A stranger would not even recognize that we had an argument a moment prior because it is usually calm after a storm.  I learned to let him digest his emotions or more so, it helps me to digest as well.  So here I sit, blurry visioned due to tears that formed in my eyes that are beginning to fall … drop by drop they shatter on my thighs.  Content in his eyes so deep I can feel them.  We are passionate lovers and unfortunately when we argue it is passionate as well.  Lately things have not been smooth and I am hoping this month of dread will end soon.  My co-worker told me that February is the month of gloom, so far I feel as though she is correct.

I have been negating his words and mine … the story begins.

As he was explaining to me the things that I have been doing to annoy him in the past week, I thought,

“that is a lot of shit I have been putting him through and yet he remains … he loves me.”

I wanted to smile but I didn’t think it was appropriate for the situation, so I smiled in my thoughts.  I can put the blame on him for what has been going on with us but I don’t like to blame my lover, for I know I have caused some of the turmoil.  Plus putting blame on someone does not resolve the situation … so I take each word that compose a sentence that rolls off his luscious lips, as-is.  No twisting it or defending myself, I come unshielded from the words that hurt.  I realize I was not being understanding or even listening to what he has to say because of my lack of humility.  I have been selfish. you the f**king best, your the best I’ve ever had” by Drake – Best I Ever Had I can’t say sorry because it does not solve anything  nor does it take back the facts of my actions/reactions.

I am going to meditate.

45 min. of dancing and cycling + 75 min. meditating + 30 min. in the shower = a grounded and relaxed Liza Mae. During that time I brought myself back to the ground and back to the present.  I realize I have been floating for awhile negating reality.  I broke down a couple times, once on the bike and the other while listening to India.Arie – He Heals me. ♪. I did not relate the song to him but to God instead.  I haven’t prayed to God in a long time and today was one day I needed to feel loved by him and he gave me the answers to my boundless questions.  One can call it a moment of enlightenment.

So I came downstairs and he was in the same spot I have left him, in front of his laptop.  I was going to grab his hand and he reached for me and held me tight.  This time I had tears of happiness because I have never felt so loved before.  The heated passion turned in to burning passion that released the conflicts of this morning.  It is great how time can heal an open wound and bring love back into the heart.

-Liza Mae

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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