picking up the pieces

Posted on 05 August 2011 by Liza Mae V.

“Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together.”
– Ray Bradbury

The reality is that I am back in Toronto and I am no longer in New York City! So as I read through my last entry of ‘NYC breakup or just separated?’, I must confess that is only a piece of why it was so hard to leave New York City.

So it is not the question of why it was so difficult to leave NYC but the real question that should be answered is why did I want to leave Toronto?

I was unhappy with my life in Toronto and just needed to get away from it all. So I picked up my bags and just left it all behind. I delayed this decision for awhile for I had many responsibilities that I had to attend to, mainly the properties.

As reckless as it was, I just did what I felt I needed to do and a few of my closest friends were pushing me in this direction for they seen how unhappy I was. But what really pushed me to the brinks of this decision was the fact that J extended his stay in China. This really broke me 10x more than my previous entry, ‘missing you’.

His arrival was supposed to be right before my birthday but that didn’t happen and I just lost it. All logic went out the window and I just did what I felt I needed to do. When faced with adversity you instinctively fight or flight? I choose the latter, literally and mentally. I didn’t want to fight any more battles or struggle through the stresses of my daily life.

Some can say that my situation wasn’t that bad or it could of been worse but as immature as it may sound, I just didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to find an escape and forget it all. Though it would of been temporary, at least I knew that some how, I can find a peace/piece of mind … again.

escape button

Taken with an iPhone and Instagram App

It is like I had a clocking system of my life in Toronto, and I had to mentally check out. I stopped thinking about my repercussions or my responsibilities, I just checked out.

Now that I have finally checked back in, things started off rocky but I’m slowly picking up the pieces. It is like I have lost myself and trying to find myself again. Some days are great and other days are not so great. I’m trying to find the fine medium but at least I can see the pieces, just trying to figure out what pieces I want to keep versus leave behind.

One thing I am assured of is that everything I want in life is right in front of me. I just got to start believing in myself, as everyone has believed in me.

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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