Categorized | Love & Relationships

Please find me.

Posted on 15 June 2004 by Liza Mae V.

It seems that everything that I percieve to be perfect eventually becomes so imperfect that I displace what I thought I felt into the category of the unknown. I do not know if HE or I deluded me to believe something that wasn’t there.

I am in this state because HE didn’t call me for a week and I am starting to be worried, confused, and upset. I have this eerie feeling that I could be his mistress or something along the lines causing me to be Miss Stressed. The signs are clear to me but I just did not want to believe them. I was in denial but I did not know that it would impact me to this degree. I am left sitting here wondering why HE disappeared. It’s weird having someone just disappear. I have no idea what has happened or what is happening. It seems like my emotions are idle until I find him. Lost in communication. Lost in love. Lost in life. Please find me.

I feel like deleting his existance but it is imprinted on my facial expressions. The only thing I can delete about him is his phone number but what’s the point when I have memorized it. I am trying to start where I ended before I met him, but its difficult because I don’t have that closure that I truly desire. I have been on this streak of closing doors that this 1 left open has me moving in slow-mo. I don’t understand why these things happen to me. It feels like I have been hit by candy coated bad luck. But my life goes on with or without him because I still have hope. Hope in love. Hope in life.

– Liza
Countdown begins … 15 days till I’ll be in NYC.

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4 Comments For This Post

  1. miyah Says:

    I’m interested in reading your entries. So I added you:]. By the way… 15 more days to NY for you, as for me I’m flying back to Cambodia.

  2. sa_ki_nah Says:

    i wonder whether you find yourself attracting the same person over and over again. if so, we should talk. i’m realising that i attract the same type of guys with the results always being the same. i’ve since had a very wise person point out to me that the trick is not in attacting a different type of guy but rathher changing my reaction to them. check my journal in the next day or so for more thoughts on this. hang in there.

  3. lizamae Says:

    Alright cool. =) I added u also. Can’t wait to get away even though its not far far. HRmmm what’s in Cambodia?

  4. lizamae Says:

    For every action … there is a reaction.

    Hrmmm … I’ve questioned myself a couple of times, “Is it HE or I?”
    I am the one that the HE’s share in common, so maybe it is I. But very valid point, “… the trick is not in attacting a different type of guy but rather changing my reaction to them.” I would like to add that maybe before reacting we should go in to a relationship with a different mindset, a whole new act.

    It feels like I have this constant pattern and once you realize what the pattern is, maybe its time to switch it up a bit. Its like listening to a song on repeat and its time to change tracks. I’m sure there must be something I am not doing right that I do not realize but it is easier to blame it on HIM because we don’t want to face the facts that maybe we are the ones with the problem.

    -Liza

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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