Sparked by a quote on Jessica’s LJ …
“Actions speak louder then words. So does Silence.”
I have been silent for the couple of days, weeks even. I am just listening to the actions not the words because words mean nothing to me. Words have been stabbing me in the back leaving freshly cut wounds. The intent of the words are to make me feel ‘happy’ yet they hurt. They hurt because I believed them, they hurt because they are lies, they hurt because I did not watch my back. Now I stand here bleeding, a tear forms in my eye while I try to fight it, while I clench my teeth trying to fight the pain because in the end it will be much easier. I grab a bottle of alcohol and hold it over my shoulder. My hands start to shake, and a drop of alcohol hits my wounds, I scream. I turn my head away from the bottle and let it pour and a single tear falls from my eye. This time I don’t scream, I like the pain. I am a masochist for I know this is the catalyst to my healing. I let it burn. The words are burned but the pain not forgotten. I’ve got the scars to remind me.
- Liza Mae
June 30th, 2004 at 11:18 am
This time I don’t scream, I like the pain. I am a masochist for I know this is the catalyst to my healing. I let it burn. The words are burned but the pain not forgotten. I’ve got the scars to remind me.
That spoke to me.
<3
June 30th, 2004 at 6:45 pm
Aw…
Though the words i speak may not matter and may seem like a lie but im sorry that you’ve been hurt before, by those without realization of who they are hurting. Maybe if they gain some knowledge they would come to understand who they’re hurting and realize that it puts you into so much pain.
~M~
July 1st, 2004 at 2:36 am
Speechless..
Been there more than once…I feel your pain.
July 2nd, 2004 at 9:30 am
sigh…
July 2nd, 2004 at 9:37 am
Re: Aw…
valid … but maybe I’ve done it to someone before, and karma is back to get me. Maybe when the words were spoken by the person, they felt/thought it but it wasn’t really there, or maybe they wanted to feel that way. I am a forgiving person and don’t really get mad about things. I keep my composure. Maybe its a good trait but it can also be bad. I am too ‘laxed about things that it builds up to this catastrophe of emotions which I can no longer keep bottled in.
When I first heard about this thing called ‘love’ … no one showed the bad sides to it, because maybe they were in love, and there was no ending to it. Now that I have/am experiencing it, I guess the pain is worth it.
-Liza