Categorized | Love & Relationships

Ultimate High

Posted on 24 July 2004 by Liza Mae V.

Yesterday I had a conversation with Lemar about my relationships I have/had and the conversation made me look at tomorrow totally different. I have been putting myself through stressful situations which I haven’t been paying attention to… my needs, my wants, and me. It seems that I always put the other person first and now I have to be selfish. I have to take what is handed to me but at the same time, give without hesitation … if the person truly deserves it. I do not deserve to be treated like shit because I am the shit. Not to sound conceited but … I am greatness. Dennis(confidant) has been telling me that the day we met, and he keeps telling me till this day. I am so used to seeing nearsighted that he shows me another perspective. It makes me feel uncomfortable but he is right … I need to have patience.

“I am constantly moving
as the world is moving with me
causing me to move faster
but as I begin to stand still
I am still moving but in unison
with the earth
making love at the same pace.”

It seems that I am constantly rushing into these relationships which needs time to build because they don’t grow by night. I realized this when I was on my way to pick up Tamla, and it has been the first time I smiled since I left New York. I smiled because I realized I was building a relationship with myself. I opened a door to things I did not see about myself. So we headed to this nice little spot called Chocolate Lounge, but before I parked Martina had warned me that Mark (Dating) was there with another girl. I wasn’t upset that he was with another girl, but that I had to be there to experience it. I know he is dating other girls and he knows I am dating other guys but I’d rather hear not see. So I ended up bumping into him but the girl wasn’t around. So I end up hanging out with girls and as I walk through the crowd I feel his hand brush mine and then he pulls me towards him and gives me a hug. It felt good but good like a friends hug. I think I would rather pursue this kind of relationship with him because he is a good guy. Even through our conflict the other night, I could not stay mad at him for so long because I know his intentions are good. It seems like he has so much going on that he isn’t telling me but whatever it is I forgive him for it.

“I constantly push and push till my limit has been broken.
I don’t know how much more I can take but it seems like I take too much.
But enough’s enough, no more giving up.”

Now that my Ryan O. baggage has been slightly lifted from my shoulders, I can begin to walk again. I thought that he confuses me but I just confuse things. I thought he has a hidden agenda that he keeps from me, but maybe I am the hidden agenda. The signs are evident that WE didn’t exist. We were never together. We were complete seperates, and the whole time I was thinking about WE … I should of been thinking of ME. That is my mistake. I give my all to someone who does not deserve it.

ASIDE: I bumped into Ryan from Ryerson and I don’t think I will ever stop ‘bumping’ into him … he will forever be in my life. Its like he gives me this reassurance that everything will be alright when it really comes down to it. Even though we don’t talk and aren’t friends … I am glad he is in this small portion of my life. For some strange reason he brings me hope. Thanks Ryan from Ryerson.

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.


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