So I have finally said it … and the reaction was what I needed to see where he and I stood.
When I uttered the words … I felt the blood rush from my veins … circling my brain. I haven’t said the words I love you for a very long time. I felt relieved … yet tears were starting to form. I did not know how he would react … I thought the worse. I thought he would just pick up and leave my ass bare naked … but he questioned it. He asked how I knew … but I did not know how to respond to his questioning.
I was emotional.
So I didn’t speak nor could I look him in his eyes because I felt like tears were going to trickle down my face because I felt lost. The moment I said it … he went into a detached mode. He was being logical … and I was emotional. So I sat in front of him with my legs tucked under my arms with my head down. As he sat there staring at me … then staring aimlessly elsewhere.
I don’t regret saying it because he is the one always telling me to be open … yet it seemed as though he couldn’t handle the truth. I was scared. I was afraid. I felt alone in my thoughts because he did not know how it happened, or he is just denying the facts. I’m just glad I let that out … let him know how I felt.
I don’t understand why he replys with “I don’t want to hurt you” comments … because when he says it … he does not want to hurt him by hurting me. I feel like he is using his self defense mechanism. He doesn’t understand that he can’t control everything. Whatever may happen is caused by his action, then my reaction, or vice versa.
- Liza Mae
August 30th, 2004 at 3:11 am
<3
wowwy, cool, you said it…and its such a relief…but what do yo do next? do you feel the same comfortable way around him or will you feel like life was alternated with those two words and a vowel? will you make it seem as if you two cant be the same anymore?…w/e happens i wish you the best of luck and i hope your desires a ever so fulfilled.
August 30th, 2004 at 6:09 pm
one small step, one giant leap?
i’ll just let the subject line carry my thoughts. magic! one
August 30th, 2004 at 9:52 pm
1 step 2 step 3 step 6
yea it’s def a defense mechanism…in part. i’ve been exactly where he is before. in a relationship in which i told the girl that i didn’t want to be in love because of past experiences and she accepted that at first but i guess i made her fall in love wit me. it happens often and once it does i put up my defenses. also i didn’t want to hurt them *more* with the inevitable breakup so i got out of it.
August 31st, 2004 at 1:48 pm
Re: <3
Hrmmm … what to do next … well its been a day and I’ve done nothing meaning that I haven’t changed the way I act around him and vice versa. I am still the same person, why do things have to change?
-Liza
August 31st, 2004 at 1:57 pm
Re: 1 step 2 step 3 step 6
Hrmmm … I don’t know how to respond to that … but it is within my perception … I know that is a possibility, but I try to keep things on a happy-go-lucky perspective.
-Liza
September 1st, 2004 at 4:22 am
Re: 1 step 2 step 3 step 6
respond to me or him? either way i don’t think u have to worry. if it’s meant to be than it def will be. however i say do as ur doin: live for the moment like em said…
-rob da rula