Archive | Life

Are you tough enough?

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Are you tough enough?

Posted on 25 February 2012 by Liza Mae V.

My legal representative today asked me a very good question which made me question …

“Am I tough enough?”

This was prompted when I said I’m interested in being a paralegal so I learn about the laws on my own and protect myself as a landlord for the LTB & RTA (landlord tenant board and residential tenant act) is very skewed towards tenants.

Tough Situations Won't Break Us

This question made me ponder. if you know me I’m barely five foot, filipina, youngest & only female sibling, and more recently people call me ‘soft’. It is not that I choose to be but situations in my life has no reason for me to be ‘hard’. I was brought up with very protective parents and lifestyle which didn’t prod me to be ‘hard’. I fought two older brothers occasionally but since I was younger, I just followed what they said for they are 6 and 12 years older than I. I am one of the youngest cousins growing up and in the family I was very well disciplined and never was argumentative. Only in my recent years have I had to face battles, arguments, and stand tall to be heard. Especially being with an ex whom was damaged and argumentative, it put me in a corner and I had to argue back. I didn’t choose to be in this situation but was forced in to this role. No one likes drama or confrontation but some days you can not avoid it and you gotta fight back.

I realize I am learning to be harder! I don’t think people are born to be hard people but are put in to situations to BE hard, making them hard people. Take the example of someone who was brought up in a rough neighborhood vs. someone who was brought up in a posh neighbourhood, their level of hardness will be much different.  I had this discussion with a friend of mine who is from Brooklyn and how different lifestyles we had growing up.  You have to do what you have to do to survive the jungle out there and if you don’t want to be stepped on, you had to be tough.

I realize though that we all have different roles and purposes in life – some people are soft and some people are hard but everyone is different for situations shape you to be who you are.

I wasn’t built tough but in the last few years I have been through the most challenging times. I am finally being tested by God and I believe he doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Maybe everyone has to go through difficult times in different times of our lives and that time for me is NOW! It is something that I have to go through to finally grow up, and be a grown up.

To answer the question of “Am I tough enough?”

YES I AM!!

I am not broken. I am alive. I can still breath. Just with a little faith in the unknown and a really great support system of friends and family. I am surviving the tests of time and I am tougher than I ever have been. So bring it – pleasure or pain!

Tough situations won’t break us, it can only shape us!

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eternal sunshine of a spotless mind

eternal sunshine of a spotless mind

Posted on 21 February 2012 by Liza Mae V.

I take a deep breath feeling the oxygen go in through my nostrils, filling my lungs, expanding my chest and stomach, deep in to my core, and I hold the air in for two seconds and exhale the toxins within, out from my nose.

I repeat this a couple more times until my beat of my heart slows down to a relaxing level.

I feel that I am standing on the boardwalk of a beach. A beach that feels familiar …
the smell of saltiness,
the wind is cool and fresh against my skin though the sun’s heat warms me,
the sand is white and clean,
the sky is clear and blue,
the sound of waves are crashing on the sand.

Seagulls on the Boardwalk in Bahamas

I am still looking to the path of the board walk where it is desolate. I suddenly see a figure in the distance, moving towards me.

I see a vision of him …

So I begin to run towards him feeling, hearing the whispers of the wind, my hair brush against my face erratically like a tree on a windy day. As I take a step I feel the wooden boards beneath me collapse just slightly, not enough to break but resist my step. I hear my steps thud faster and faster against each wooden board as I land, fracturing the wood slightly. Though my breath is still in the same relaxed slow pace as I was standing still.

I hear a deep voice caressing my ears …
“Time to wake your body from rest … stretch … do what you do when you are waking up.”

I open my eyes to …

the ceiling of my hot yoga studio.

I digress.

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This is your life … so live it

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This is your life … so live it

Posted on 31 October 2011 by Liza Mae V.

These words by Holstee Manifesto are what I live by and stand up for, though some days are challenging, never stop trying to live the life you want to live.

The Holstee Manifesto - This is your life ...

Lately life has been a big blur of heart felt moments both good and bad and I never felt so alive but lost at the same time.  It seems I go through this cycle that goes from knowing who I am and what I am doing with my life to not knowing who I am and not knowing what I am doing.  I guess when life is good, things are seen in a positive light but when I am put through difficult situations, I begin to question my life.  The life challenges really test my faith and really knock me down and make me feel insecure about my being but when all obstacles are put behind me and I have jumped that hurdle I begin to believe again.  I know life is a test and God doesn’t give us more than we can handle for He wants us to succeed.  I try to keep my head up in these difficult times for what am I left to do?  I can not sit in my sorrows for life is too short.  I gotta stand up for myself, my life, and make the best of it.  Though my ego wants me to believe that this is the hardest thing I have to face in the moment, I know life has many more challenges on the way.  I know this is just a building block to make me stronger for things to come in my life.  After all I am only dealing with Liza Mae and I don’t have to deal with a husband, kids, and in-laws.  I can only fathom how many challenges life will have when my decisions directly effect those people.  But for now I gotta stand up and appreciate the life that I have in front of me and the challenges life throws my way.

 Motivational & Inspirational Playlist

I have compiled some of my current favorite motivational and inspirational songs that lift my spirits when life’s got me down.

“Success is my idol and being broke is my rival” – Big Sean

“So in all the bad and the good will soon come
Don’t think second best
Be number one
Spread some love
Don’t give to receive
Strive to be happy
And live to believe”
– Jessie J

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Where will life take you?

Posted on 13 September 2011 by Liza Mae V.

“What is a journey?

A journey is not a trip.
It’s not a vacation.
It’s a process. A discovery.
It’s a process of self-discovery.
A journey brings us face to face with ourselves.
A journey shows us not only the world,
but how we fit in it.

Does the person create the journey or does the journey create the person?

The journey is life itself.

Where will life take you?”

http://youtu.be/m5xCGZuvhWI

I’ve been wondering ‘Where will life take me’ for the last few months for my life changes have been more than I have anticipated.  I’m at another crossroads of life where there are more than two options.  As I look back at the last two years of life, it has been quite an amazing journey and wouldn’t go back for I have learned a lot about myself and life.

I have made mistakes along the way but what’s life without mistakes?

I’ve grown, developed, but quite possibly digressed.  I thought I had my life together nearing the dreaded age of three-zero but it feels far from that.  I know that this phase will pass like every crossroad I have encountered for life is about reinventing yourself time and time again.  I wonder if the reinventing stage ends at any point?  I guess it does, now that I think about it, it stops at death.

I’m not too sure where my journey will be or where life will take me but all I know is that it will be a hell of a ride.

 

 

 

 

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picking up the pieces

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picking up the pieces

Posted on 05 August 2011 by Liza Mae V.

“Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together.”
– Ray Bradbury

The reality is that I am back in Toronto and I am no longer in New York City! So as I read through my last entry of ‘NYC breakup or just separated?’, I must confess that is only a piece of why it was so hard to leave New York City.

So it is not the question of why it was so difficult to leave NYC but the real question that should be answered is why did I want to leave Toronto?

I was unhappy with my life in Toronto and just needed to get away from it all. So I picked up my bags and just left it all behind. I delayed this decision for awhile for I had many responsibilities that I had to attend to, mainly the properties.

As reckless as it was, I just did what I felt I needed to do and a few of my closest friends were pushing me in this direction for they seen how unhappy I was. But what really pushed me to the brinks of this decision was the fact that J extended his stay in China. This really broke me 10x more than my previous entry, ‘missing you’.

His arrival was supposed to be right before my birthday but that didn’t happen and I just lost it. All logic went out the window and I just did what I felt I needed to do. When faced with adversity you instinctively fight or flight? I choose the latter, literally and mentally. I didn’t want to fight any more battles or struggle through the stresses of my daily life.

Some can say that my situation wasn’t that bad or it could of been worse but as immature as it may sound, I just didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to find an escape and forget it all. Though it would of been temporary, at least I knew that some how, I can find a peace/piece of mind … again.

escape button

Taken with an iPhone and Instagram App

It is like I had a clocking system of my life in Toronto, and I had to mentally check out. I stopped thinking about my repercussions or my responsibilities, I just checked out.

Now that I have finally checked back in, things started off rocky but I’m slowly picking up the pieces. It is like I have lost myself and trying to find myself again. Some days are great and other days are not so great. I’m trying to find the fine medium but at least I can see the pieces, just trying to figure out what pieces I want to keep versus leave behind.

One thing I am assured of is that everything I want in life is right in front of me. I just got to start believing in myself, as everyone has believed in me.

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a child’s smile lights up my life | a story of hope

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a child’s smile lights up my life | a story of hope

Posted on 29 July 2011 by Liza Mae V.

Since I’ve been back in Toronto life hasn’t been quite the same as when I left and quite honestly I haven’t been having the best of days.  I have been practically house bound since I arrived for I have to figure out some things in my life, big and small, and I don’t have a car.  This has caused me to be  demotivated to exercise or move but a close friend of mine told me I need to go running for it will make me feel better.  In my mind I knew it would be good for me, for it would make me realize that I can breath the fresh air, soak in some sun, and give me that runner’s high.  I still wasn’t motivated but with enough time and mental preparation, 7 hours later, I finally removed my pajama gear I’ve been mopping around in for the past 2 days and threw on some baggy pants, tank, and running shoes.

As I began running I started to feel the soreness of my body especially my quadriceps.  I thought I couldn’t do my regular 5KM route for I haven’t been this sore before.  I don’t know what I did but I was in pain.  Every step I could feel my muscle fibers yelling at me to stop but I started to drown out the noise with my iPod, feeling the air fill my lungs, the kiss of the sun on my skin, and the ground beneath my feet.

I began to start feeling alive again but was still in pain.  I doubted I could do the full route, so in my mind I said I’ll do a lot less than normal.

A Child's Smile | Julius Pajama Party

As I approached a house with two kids playing in their front lawn, they stopped what they were doing to wave and smile as I passed.  I could not resist smiling back for kids are the most purest of creatures.  They made me feel like I was running a marathon where people cheered from the sideline.  It was probably 7 minutes in to my run and they made me appreciate that moment from thereon.  Life is too short to be miserable.

I managed to do my regular 5KM running route and in record time of 25 minutes.  I fought through the pain and guess what?

I survived.

Life can be painful at times but we just have to push through the pain for it will make us stronger and as cliche as it sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you are going through a painful experience, the light does not shine bright but as time moves forward, you will start to see the light again.

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Learn to Leave Drama at the Door

Learn to Leave Drama at the Door

Posted on 01 June 2011 by Liza Mae V.

I’ve been going through quite the emotional roller coaster in the last week that I feel bipolar. I’m happy then sad then everything makes sense then the next moment it doesn’t. My life is complicated for I choose to complicate it and wonder why I have done this to myself, now I just want to start back to the packaged rubix cube of life where all the colours of my life aligned. Why do we complicate things by misaligning the colours of our lives, then we try to put all the colours back together?

Rubix Cube

I think we are slightly crazy beings who live off drama. Ever wonder why reality shows are so popular? We live to love drama. I just want to be no drama Liza Mae. How do I go back to that?

Maybe all this drama is in my head? I just need to resolve the issues at hand for these issues are consuming my every thought, ultimately resulting to stress.  I’m just mentally exhausted and the absence of my boyfriend is making me climb walls.  It is like I make his absence my excuse for not doing. If he were here I think the weight that I carry would be shared and the burden wouldn’t feel as bad.   As my dear friend Duwayne advised me, I should take out my emotion when dealing with difficult situations for I will have a more logical and positive outlook on life causing my stress to subside.  Well said sir!!

Like I always exclaim, “God doesn’t throw anything at you that you can not handle”.  So when faced with issues at hand, we gotta live and learn from it.  Life is a test and I’m being put through one as we speak.  WE need to step up instead of step down for life always tries to knock us down and we can not knock ourselves down.  We have to stay positive for negativity holds us back from living.

On that note, an inspiring song by Jessie J – Who we Are

“Don’t lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It’s okay not to be okay…
Sometimes it’s hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising,
Just be true to who you are”

– Liza Mae

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live life with no regrets … just love and appreciate

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live life with no regrets … just love and appreciate

Posted on 25 May 2011 by Liza Mae V.

“So here I am sitting in a corner
feeling the world around me, slowly caving in …
watching the walls coming closer
as I shrivel up into a ball
getting smaller and smaller …
Feeling the pressure incase me
trapping my soul …
For after death, my souls all I have,
and as I take my last breaths
I appreciate what life I have left …
just gotta live life with
NO REGRETS”

– Liza Mae (Drunken State in Kentucky – May 20, 2005)

 

Live Life with No Regrets

another year of my life has passed and as I trace back my past … I smile with great appreciation.  As of late, I started to look at all the people in my life with such love and appreciation that I am starting to feel all this love in my heart that it shows in everything I do.  I’m sure the love was always there but I took it for granted and I apologize.  Now that I’m starting to pay attention I feel truly loved.  Maybe it is due to the fact that I started to look for love within myself and God that it transferred outwardly to people around me.

Press Play.

“My friends wonder what is wrong with me
‘Coz I’m caught up in a hazy love, you see
It’s comeback to let me know
Got a thing called love and it won’t let go

Love is the word, have you heard, it’s superb
It’s got groove, it’s got style, it’s got feeling
Love is the word that I’ve heard
It’s so hard to describe what it is that I’m feeling|

What you know about love?
The truest kinda love I know
Is when I love myself for my soul
What good am I to you if I don’t love myself
Before I love someone else?

The realest kinda love I know
Is when I learn to love and let go,
Sometimes you cannot hold on to
To the river when, when it flows”

– Sweet Back | Love is the Word

I have never felt this way before and I hope the feeling doesn’t fade.  I appreciate everyone that has influenced my life in the most positive ways for you light up my life.  The least I can do is show my appreciation.

Thank You from Liza Mae

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7 Tips to Achieving Your Things TO DO List

Posted on 26 February 2011 by Liza Mae V.

This past week has been quite busy or maybe it is due to the fact that I am in a transitional phase of life.  So many aspects of life seem to be changing all at the same time.

work. love. real estate. photography.

Two weeks ago I started working for talented photographers and directors in Toronto and putting it in my schedule has been quite difficult.  I have some renovations to complete, and leases are coming up on March 1st resulting to tenants moving in and out.  This also involves listing and showing the properties and this can become time consuming, especially when these people don’t show.  It wasn’t so bad last week but since my love left on Sunday, I am one to handle the burdens of three real estate properties.  It is like I am on call 24/7 and can not clock out.  Maybe it is all in my head for my emotions have been on such a roller coaster ride since he left.  I just need to get my priorities straight and list out all the things I need to do, so that the TO DO list won’t haunt me. Continue Reading

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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