Posted on 21 February 2012 by Liza Mae V.
I take a deep breath feeling the oxygen go in through my nostrils, filling my lungs, expanding my chest and stomach, deep in to my core, and I hold the air in for two seconds and exhale the toxins within, out from my nose.
I repeat this a couple more times until my beat of my heart slows down to a relaxing level.
I feel that I am standing on the boardwalk of a beach. A beach that feels familiar …
the smell of saltiness,
the wind is cool and fresh against my skin though the sun’s heat warms me,
the sand is white and clean,
the sky is clear and blue,
the sound of waves are crashing on the sand.

I am still looking to the path of the board walk where it is desolate. I suddenly see a figure in the distance, moving towards me.
I see a vision of him …
So I begin to run towards him feeling, hearing the whispers of the wind, my hair brush against my face erratically like a tree on a windy day. As I take a step I feel the wooden boards beneath me collapse just slightly, not enough to break but resist my step. I hear my steps thud faster and faster against each wooden board as I land, fracturing the wood slightly. Though my breath is still in the same relaxed slow pace as I was standing still.
I hear a deep voice caressing my ears …
“Time to wake your body from rest … stretch … do what you do when you are waking up.”
I open my eyes to …
the ceiling of my hot yoga studio.
I digress.
Posted on 15 May 2009 by Liza Mae V.
anxiety.
I woke up with this feeling.
Now my heart pounds faster with every short breath … muscles in my shoulders and lower back tense.
I hate this feeling.
I want to crawl up in my sheets and sleep, dismissing my life for a moment. Then when I wake the anxiety will be another thing in the past.
heart beats … at least I know I am alive, though am I truly living? I feel as though I am dying inside.
I want to be lethargic but I am melodramatic. Feelings of sadness reside. I want to cry but the tears don’t want to seem to fall, not even the eyes want to water because my emotions run dry.
The motion of escapism is in my mind but that seems impossible now.
I am begging anxiety to pass, I take deep breathes hoping it will calm my heart but instead my muscles in my shoulders pains me, and I want to release but my current situation restricts me from doing just that.
I am running…
…
..
.
Posted on 29 July 2008 by Liza Mae V.
I wrote this on my Blackberry while on the subway. There are two ways you can read it. All in one long stride or skip formats. So read all the regular fonts first – then the italicized. The italicized is what actually was occurring on the subway and the regular font is what I was thinking during those moments.
++++
So I am standing at Pape station after my Hip Hop dance class wondering why I am standing alone?!? 100 metres of him … I. step on the train and I am getting farther and farther…
station . stop . station .
People exit … people enter … people sit
People read … Little boy sneezes …
I have little tolerance but I am patient. I rather not fight so I surrender. I stepped on the train as he wanted.
Victoria Park …
2 more stops ’til mine.
Victoria Park …
At a stand still …
Waiting patiently.
Listening to “Losing my way” by Justin Timberlake.
I take things as they are. If the light is Green – I go, if it is Red – I stop.
Boy stares in to my eyes.
My eyes smile.
I no longer run reds because I am trying to listen to your words from your lips and your eyes, I do not negate them.
Kennedy. I am at my stop.
- Liza Mae
Posted on 02 May 2008 by Liza Mae V.
So I have come to a point in my life where …
I am.
Free.
I am in transcendence
breaking this mold that I shaped myself to be
but it is more difficult than I expected.
I am trying to live in the present
and not concoct reality,
ultimately destroying all delusions.
As I am working on self – I am feeling at ease.
Finally letting go.
- Liza Mae
Posted on 30 September 2005 by Liza Mae V.
I am quiet,
I am shy,
amongst the unfamiliar …
but sometimes I walk tall
though I am vertically small
I sometimes think I know it all
when I know nothing.
I straighten my back and hold my head up high
not because I am stuck up
but because I was taught to
in ballet class … if I didn’t
the instructor would yell at my ass.
Sometimes, I do slouch
but I try not to because she told me
that it will make me look 2 inches smaller
instead of 2 inches taller.
Though it did not make a significant
difference physically,
for I am only barely 5 feet,
I felt confidence lift from beneath
these epidermic walls that cover me
and I was almost free …
-Liza Mae