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Live your Life Pt. 2: Making Everyone Aware

// February 22nd, 2010 // No Comments » // Other

As I dropped him off at the airport today, a trickle of tears ran down my face as we hugged good-bye.  At least this time I did not cry a river for I know I will see him soon.  The 5 weeks he was here just went by so quickly yet it felt like so many things transpired.  It began on a rocky road but things became more smooth between us and stronger than ever.  It was a really trying period for us but here we are again.  I promised us that we will be together again in less than 4 weeks and hopefully before his big Three-Zero!

So I have contacted my boss and made her aware of the situation and I am hoping to get some unpaid-leave of a minimum of 2 months but if not, I have decided to cut my losses and go with the flow of things.  I am quite terrified of doing so because it is like cutting my umbilical cord to my secure life.  I realize that doing this will hurt and disappoint many people due to their own personal reasons, but at the end of the day, I have to take care of myself and my partner.  The weight of their disappointment is weighing me down and I just feel like I don’t need that right now.  I just want support from people but I can’t change their egotistical way of thinking, so be it.  I mean it is really selfish for one to tell me to stay back because it makes them happy but what about my happiness?  I would never be disappointed in someone because they chased after their happiness but I guess their excuse is that they are looking out for me.

I’ve gone tired of trying to make everyone else happy, that I don’t really care what anyone has to say.

I’m done.

- Liza Mae

Live your Life Pt. 1

// January 18th, 2010 // No Comments » // Other

It is funny how the last month’s events caused me to amplify my thoughts so loudly that I can not stop thinking about the life I want to live versus the life I am living.  Those two points are far in between but the gap could easily be narrowed if I … stopped worrying.

On December 26th, 2009, I seen a message on facebook from my cousin that our mutual cousin Paula had died.  She was under 40 and had a family (husband and two daughters).  She had been fighting cancer for a couple of years and her time had expired on earth as we know it.  RIP Paula!

Last week, my brother got in a serious car accident which landed him in the hospital with a broken collar bone and minor lacerations.  He could of been seriously hurt or dead but thankfully God gave him another chance at life.

With all these occurrences happening around me it made me think and ask questions within myself.  Why is it that I live my life of mediocrity to only want what everyone else wants?  Why do I settle for a secure life rather than a happy life?  Or if I am so unhappy why do I continue to live unhappily?  Why do I have wait until I find out I am dying or had a life/death experience to do the things I truly want to do?

Fear is the biggest monster one has.  It gets in the way of many things and stagnates growth and disables one’s abilities to be free.   So I’ve decided to make some major changes in my life which will occur in the next 3 weeks.  Story will unfold shortly, stay tuned.

Liza Mae

Random Rant: Anxiously Waiting

// December 29th, 2009 // No Comments » // Other

my patience runs thin … 21 days and counting … hours … minutes … seconds.  I just want to sleep and wake up 21 days later and find him laying next to me.   I get anxious and nervous.  My tendencies to be fidgety have grown immensely and far worse.  I can not comprehend life without him in it.  I am like a drug addict waiting to get my next fixation.  I am salivating in thoughts and my cravings have not been fulfilled … hungry … starving.  I’m lost in love and I love it, though it turns my stomach like never before.  The butterflies are being born exponentially and they want to be freed.

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