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Broken up … In NYC

Posted on 02 September 2005 by Liza Mae V.

So here I am in New Jersey and I am supposed to be having a very AWESOME vacation prior to school but I just came across a very BIG bump. Of course, it has to do with G. The one person I love to hear from, until now.

He called me while I was at Lemar’s. “I am currently on his computer.”

HIM: What are you doing?
HER: I am just watching a movie with Lemar.
HIM: Where are you staying?
HER: Prasands.
(Silence)

Then the bitching begins. I was wrong for not telling him where I was staying … but he was wrong for not asking prior to my trip. It is like he was scared of asking, and I was scared of saying due to my last trip to NYC. Yes, I should of told him, but if he was really concerned, he would of asked. The person you are with should be concerned about where you are going to be. He usually asks “Where am I staying”, “Who am I going with?” … but this time he didn’t ask the first. HOLD UP…I remember asking him, “Do you want the number where I am at?”…and he responded by saying, “I’ll call your cell.” and I remember feeling like … I guess he doesn’t want to know…denial can I say? WOW! I did intend to tell him before but before I could, he refused to know. That is very interesting. It is like he is setting me up to FAIL due to his past.

He says I was hiding and if I truly was, I would of lied, I would not offer the number at Prasand’s house. My intentions were not to hide but to be open. So I do not feel bad because this is what he wanted. He wanted me to be HER, the infamous ex. He can not bring me down with him. I am better than that, and I did not feel guilty for his wrongs. It seems I always put my self out there and he is the one with TRUST issues. If he doesn’t trust me now, how do I know he will ever trust me? And I can not let him take away my happiness which is partly, my friends, New York, and my sanity. I put my 100% in the relationship and he doesn’t appreciate it.

I only feel bad for myself because I let him make me feel like this, hurt.

I digress.

-Liza Mae

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Random Ramblings Issue No. 1064

Posted on 19 August 2005 by Liza Mae V.

A pet peeve is posts saying “I am going to update soon!” … Just update … I don’t need a warning.

I just looked at my school schedule and I am in for another deadly semester.  I do not miss school, I just want to get it over ASAP.  I am trying to mentally prepare for it but its easier to THINK you won’t procastinate but when it comes down to it, I will procastinate.  Ack!  Also, I won’t be over analyzing my relationship with G as much as I do.  I have too much damn time to think of him.  School keeps me busy and thinking of other things.  Graduation is a hop … skip away.  It will be here sooner than I can even fathom.  The transition will not be an easy one.

My labor day weekend will be in NYC … its my yearly trip which started about 5 years ago when I was 17.  Usually I am so hyped about going but I am not.  Knowing that my house will be abandoned for the weekend and I could of had him sleep over the whole weekend … sucks!  It is too late to back out of my plans because I am the one who convinced my cousin to drive to NYC instead of taking a plane.  Only if I knew sooner.  I told myself that I would not go on vacation (esp. NYC) without him … but here I am.  I like to get away from the familiar, once in awhile … but he wants to save money, for who knows what.  AGhhhh … The main purpose for my trip is to see Lemar because he had just gone through a major surgery and I just want to watch over him.  I can’t imagine being alone after sugery … I would need all the support I can get.  I suppose the trip is all worth it.  That felt good to type.

The summer is almost over.  I realized I am getting sick of clubbing, it is not as fun as I remember.  Being in a relationship and clubbing, just don’t mix well with me.  My hunt has ended.  I usually used to go clubbing with Martina … and I had fun, but it is not the same.  It seems I only have fun when I have more friends around like Roxanne, Francine, Darlene, and friends from work.  I think because they are hillarious as hell.  I just enjoy the jokes we have.  I think the reason that Martina and I used to go to clubs is to pick up … no matter how much I  say I love to dance … this was the mere purpose.  I have more fun in dance class. [Reminds me … have to find a new dance studio to go to]  I think I am throwing in the towel.  My clubbing days in Toronto are going to be kept to a minimum.

I need to get a massage, my bed is horrible and I’ve had this knot for a week and I feel very tense.  Feel like paying for one.  Ack..

-Liza Mae

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Iceland … Paris … Here I come

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Iceland … Paris … Here I come

Posted on 16 August 2005 by Liza Mae V.

My cousin approached me with an opportunity to go to Paris during New Years and I told myself that I wasn’t going to spend another New Years in Toronto because NYE in T.O. was just like any other night, so I said I would go.  =)  So the plane tickets are booked and I am psyched.

Imagine …
…watching fireworks near the Eiffel Tower. 

…swimming in the blue lagoon in Iceland.

Toronto –>New York –>Iceland–>France

The Detailed Itinerary

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Home Sweet Home

Posted on 25 May 2005 by Liza Mae V.

It feels so good to be home again.

The 2nd half of my trip was amazing for the following reasons …

  1. Martina was with me and we always have a great time together.
  2. Met alot of new people including cousin’s I haven’t seen in years.
  3. Actually partied even though it wasn’t my kindof thing … live rock band.
  4. New experiences.  I caught a fish.  =)  Seen someone get tazzed (sp?) by a cop.

I have tons of pics to edit and share … so they will be finished soon.

Oh yah … its my birthday today.  =)  Happy 22 for me.  Seems like yesterday that I turned 19.  scarry.

-Liza Mae

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Missing home

Posted on 14 May 2005 by Liza Mae V.

So I am about 70% well and I feel better but I still have that stuffy nose feel and the minor cough. Also I can’t taste food 100% and its killing me. blar.

The last two days I’ve been in Reno/Lake Tahoe. Its a big casino scene and I’m not really down with the casino especially since I lost $20. Ahhhhkk. Well Lake Tahoe was beautiful but I didn’t get any good shots because we didn’t get out of the car which I wasn’t too happy about but who am I in this big equation? This vacation hasn’t been the greatest because I feel as though I have to bottle things in so that I don’t blow up on my cousin. She annoys me sometimes. Anyways enough about that. I went swimming and it was the most relaxing time I had here. It was me and the water. I need to be home. I really miss him. I feel like I am dying over here. Well I get home on Wednesday then I leave again on Thursday but the 2nd part of the trip should be good cuz I’ll be with Martina. Right now I feel trapped because I can not have those intellectual conversations with anyone because no one is on my page. Maybe thats why I am not very close with my family members. I feel as though my friends are my family. They are actually closer to me than family. Pretty sad but that’s how I feel.

Hrmmm … I guess I’m feeling a little homesick. I can’t go another vacation without him or without my friends. Family trips aren’t for me. lol. Well I gotta go. my moment of solitude is going to end.

liza exits.

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Sick in Sacramento

Posted on 10 May 2005 by Liza Mae V.

So I am in Sacramento and I’m still sick. I had one of the worst nights, in fact. I woke up at 2am PST & was coughing non-stop. So I had to make a cup of Neo-citran and then I was good to go. I swear I was going to cough out a lung or something. It was really that bad. I haven’t done much but go to this plaza with all this filipino food … ummmmh yummm. Pictures to follow. Yesterday I just played with the my cousin’s kids aka my niece and nephew. It is really relaxing out here considering I don’t have to do anything at all, but I hate being sick on vacation. I just feel like a wreck. ARghhhh … Well hopefully this will subside by the time we go to Reno. blar.
The weather out here was rainy & hailing but there is going to be sun for the next couple of days so I would of stayed home anyways. I am at 68% .. I need to be better. Being sucks when no is here to take care of you.

“Dr. Mom/Dr. G where are you in the time in need?”

Its very satisfying to speak when you know someone is listening. The last time we went out before my departure, we headed down to a bar/club downtown and he was being the perfect gentlemen. I told him prior that whenever we go out I feel like he is cold to me and that he gives us enough space that another guy can dance in between, so this time he did not do that. He was more affectionate and giving me more attention. We even danced to salsa and it wasn’t a disaster. Thats one thing I love about him, he can dance. *sigh* Okay enough … I’m missing him more that I type. So it end now.

-Liza Mae
BTW. Thanks for the get-well comments. =)

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Canadian Society for Industrial Engineers (CSIE) Conference 2005

Posted on 24 January 2005 by Liza Mae V.

The break down:

… Thursday …

I went to school and dropped off my luggage and headed to my hair dressers.  While I was waiting for the streetcar, It was so freaking cold that my nose hairs became frozen while breathing in, and then defrosts while breathing out.  Blar … anyways …  I got my hair done and felt so fresh.  I love that feeling.  =)  So I head back to school for the 2nd half of my last class then head to the hotel with Melissa to settle in.

We head downstairs for the rally where you all you hear is noise of screaming people, to the point where you can’t hear shit anymore.  This is where I bumped into the whole Concordia University delagates and of course … Vallery, Jonathan, and JP.  It was nice seeing them again because its been awhile. 

I get back to my room and grab a couple of drinks … had about 3 double shots = 6 shots of Malibu Mango.  Get to the Kabin Club and had a glass of wine and Vodka & Cran … and it was down for the count.  I talked to everyone from everywhere.  It was rather funny.  =)  I couldn’t find the people I went with so I just walked to the hotel on my own where JP would meet me to chat a little … and then I went to bed.

… Friday …

I woke up bright and early and actually went to a seminar about setting goals.  I loved one quote that she mentioned time and time again …

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”

I kept on playing that quote in my mind the whole time.  It means that instead of looking at yourself as changing from the person you are now to someone you want to become … you should look at yourself as that person that you want become.  For ex.  Instead of … I am smoker trying to quit … use … I am a non-smoker. 

The rest of the day was boring and I almost fell asleep on one of the keynote speakers. 

We went to the Hart house to have Wine & Cheese.  It was one of those social events where you supposed to speak to professionals but I thought it was pretty boring but I got a little bit tipsy and thats all that came out of that. 

That night the itenarary stated that we were supposed to go to Fez Batik.  I never heard of it so I decided to go.  Crystal was calling me all day to go to an old school Jam at Venue for her Bday/going away party but I decided to not go until after.  So I headed down to Fez Batik and I did not like the crowd, music, and my conscience was killing me.  I realized that I was with people I don’t care about and I should be with people that I do care about.  So I packed my stuff and took a cold walk to Venue all by my lonesome drunk self..  I did not have to wait in line since I just walked up to the bouncer and said what I had to say, so it was all good.  =)  I am glad that I made that decision.  I am glad that I could spend it with my homies, Akua, Tamla & Crystal.  I heard music I haven’t heard in a long ass time.  It was just fun.

After the club, we headed to the hot dog stand in the freezing cold, colder than earlier in that day.  Akua’s cousin dropped off one hot dog and Akua was driving off. 
Me:  “Where are you going?” x 5. 
Akua did not realize that her cousin was not in the car.  So she basically drove off on her cousin.  I thought that was hilarious. 

I came home with my hotdog and passed out.

…Saturday…

I slept in …  then got my nails done downstairs.  It was relaxing.  I love being pampered.  *sigh*   So I got ready for the Formal Dinner and it wasn’t a really big deal since I was ready to go home … to him.  I  missed him.  So I finally make it to his house … took a shower … come out and find him telling me to follow him to the dinning room.  He had a whole candlelight dinner waiting for me.  I was surprised and excited.  I thouht it was so sweet.  =)  I couldn’t stop smiling.  I am still trying to break the barriers that he has up … and this was a nice way of knowing that another layer has been shead. 

…Sunday…

Spent all day in bed with him & did some homework.  Ordered Dominoes pizza, Philly Cheese steak & Hawaiin and went to bed.

…NOW…

I am tired … and I need to sleep.  Goodnight!?!

-Liza

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Summer in New York

Posted on 08 September 2004 by Liza Mae V.

I am back in school and I have to kill time because I come to find out that my first class is a lab and there are never labs in the first week of school.  Blar. I actually have motivation to be here but I feel like today was a waste of a day because I have one class which I am not even registered in because the section I wanted to get in is full, so I have to convince someone in that section to switch to another section.

Anyways, I am back from my trip from New York City/New Jersey.

THURSDAY >> My cousin and I arrived at JFK at noon where we would meet her boyfriend and he was supposed to take us to my cousin’s hotel but his misdirection lead us to Jone’s Beach, then to Yonkers, BX.  As every second passed with us being lost, I became irate.  Two hours of being lost to end up in a different destination then planned.  The final destination was at his work in Yonkers where my cousin and I would drop him off and go to Woodbury Commons to shop.  I could tell that my cousin was upset that he didn’t get us to the hotel but she acted like everything was okay.  I know I wasn’t okay with it.  I wanted to be in the city not in the Bronx.  The whole drive to Woodbury she was talking about  her relationship and I was annoyed because she is in ‘stand-still’ relationship. I just want to say to her that it isn’t going anywhere but everytime I try to give her my perspective on things, she thinks I am too young and naive to understand.  So I just sit and listen then get annoyed.

Luckily Lemar came and got me and took me away from my cousin who was getting on my nerves.  I went back to Teaneck, NJ and as Lemar pulled up in front of Prasand’s apartment, I had asked Lemar to come in with me but he refused.  I felt uncomfortable about the situation.  Call me spoiled but he didn’t even help me with my bags.  I was semi-upset.  I like to introduce my friends to friends and the fact that he didn’t want to I was skeptical about our relationship.   So I dragged my bags to the front door where Prasand would greet me with a hug.  I was happy and relieved to see him and everything that I felt prior just escaped me.  So I dropped my bags and I went to the Cafe with Lemar because I was starving.  After we went back to his place to watch some movies.  As my eyes started to get irritated and I was starting to fall asleep, I decided it was time to go back to Prasands apartment.  Lemar was falling asleep at this point and I had asked him to drive me back but he kept on saying ‘in 30 min’ every 30 minutes.  I was getting upset because I wanted to go.  Usually when I ask something from someone I don’t have to ask twice unless they didn’t hear me the first time but he heard me but he wasn’t listening.  I was just thinking of calling the taxi but I thought why should I do this?  He should bring me home.  So finally he dropped me.

Prasand and I watched Howard Sterns movie.  The last time we interacted he was in a very mellow, quiet, sad mood and it seemed like I couldn’t do anything about it because pain heals with time.   I don’t like to see my friends in pain and I wished I could take the pain away just for a second but this time around he was in a more uplifting playful mood.  It was nice seeing this part of Prasand shine through again.

FRIDAY >> I took the bus to the city all by my lonesome where I was expecting to see Bobby.  As I exited the subway station I would also meet and greet Tiffany and her friend Tiffany.  We talked briefly as we were walking down 6th Ave., then Bobby and I split from the Tiffanys.  We walked and talked about 60 blocks and arrived at South Street Seaport where we would buy expensive ice cream that melted quickly on my white pants.  Argh.  I realized that it was the first time that we hung out in NYC, prior to that we only hung out in Toronto.  It was nice seeing him because he always seems to put a smile on my face.  =)

I came back to NJ where Prasand and I would watch Bourne Supremacy at the local theatre.  I was so exhausted from the walk earlier in the day that I feel asleep half way through.  We walked back to the apartment where I would pass out soon after.

SATURDAY >> I woke up with the sun in my eyes and a hungry stomach.  So I called Lemar to have breakfast at IHOPS.  I heard good things about this place, so I had to try it.   I had a breakfast sampler which consisted of 2 of everything (eggs, canadian bacon, bacon, sausage, pancakes).  I cleaned my plate with pleasure.  It was great.

We decided to go to the beach in South Jersey and I ran in the water without a care while Lemar was afraid of the cold water and slowly dipped himself in.  It was cold for the first minute then the temperature was comfortable.  I think its better to deal with the pain of the cold faster then to take my time.  I’ve been bugging everyone to go to the beach and I finally got to.  It was relaxing.  I enjoy the sounds of the water hitting the shore, feel of the sand between my toes, smell of the breeze from the wave, sight of the sun glistening against my skin, and the taste of the salt on my lips from the water.  I love the beach.

At night, Lemar and friends brought me to a club called Copacabana.  It was spacious and expensive.  Usually clubs in Toronto are about $10 cover and drinks $5, but at this club it was $25 cover and $12 drinks, but since I was on vacation I decided it was okay to splurge.  I enjoyed it until the pain from my stilletos kicked in.  The pain we woman go through just to look good.  Blar.  Then we headed to Lemar’s friends place where we would eat and talk.  He conveyed to me that he thought I was annoying referring to the night of Thursday.  I automatically got defensive because I was offended by the comment.  At this point I wanted to leave.  I got to the apartment at 6am  and knocked out.

SUNDAY>> I was exhausted the whole day.  Nando would came and got me and we ate at a little spot called Green Bo’s Restaurant in China town.  He was a big guy and I felt like midget around him…lol.  All he could talk about is his girlfriend.  I guess that’s what happens when you fall in love with someone and spend most of your time with them.  All you know is them.

Overall it was great trip and I can’t wait to go back.

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Continuation from previous post

Posted on 01 July 2004 by Liza Mae V.

So I’m back in NYC. The road trip was rather long & tiring but we(Geremy, Tricia, Pras, & I) made it. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do in the couple of days but I’m sure I will get away from the drama that I have made myself. Even though I haven’t closed the door to HIM(Ryan O.) completely, I am slowly fading in the distant. The things that once irked me, are now expected. My emotions are idle. My hearts gone cold … to him. I conditioned myself to not feel pain. For I am standing alone, and was always. The miscommunication and him not listening to my words as I spoke has made me silent. For my words have no meaning to him. For I have no meaning to him.

-Liza

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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