Archive | August, 2004

7 Days of Seperation

Posted on 31 August 2004 by Liza Mae V.

We finally have some good weather in TO and its too bad that I’m leaving this weekend for my yearly trip to NYC. I’m psyched to see friends and smell the not-so-fresh yet comfortable air, that surrounds me as the subway passes my body with a quickness reminding me of childhood memories on the carnival rides. I am also sad that I will not see him for a week … sigh … this will be the longest period that I won’t be able to see him. It has pros and cons but I’ll live. I guess it is going to be a good break away from each other because we’ve basically hung out everyday. When schoool starts my priorities start to shift and my time becomes limited. Blar blar … blar.

Yesterday was the last time I was going to see Martina until she comes back to Toronto from school, so we decided to hit the local dessert cafe called Flavours where Gerron would join us. Interesting conversations progressed and I was impressed with the fact that he got her to open up. He was able to hold a conversation with her and make her smile. No one I had dated prior to him had made her laugh like that. He made her laugh like I would make her laugh. I was sitting there … silent … admiring the fact that I was sitting beside my two favorite people while they conversed on a level where we all stood. Greatness.

Afterward, me and him talked. He read my whole LJ. Damn … thats freaking dedication. He really wants to know about me … figure out my thoughts … because right now he’s got my movements to a ‘Tee’. He’s probably reading this as I speak but this is my place to release … thoughts … curiosities … with in my living dream … so I will not hold back.  I am open for business.

Time to get off this chair and buy myself an ice cream … later.

Liza Mae

Comments (3)

I love you … I don’t want to hurt you

Posted on 28 August 2004 by Liza Mae V.

So I have finally said it … and the reaction was what I needed to see where he and I stood.

When I uttered the words … I felt the blood rush from my veins … circling my brain. I haven’t said the words I love you for a very long time. I felt relieved … yet tears were starting to form. I did not know how he would react … I thought the worse. I thought he would just pick up and leave my ass bare naked … but he questioned it. He asked how I knew … but I did not know how to respond to his questioning.

I was emotional.

So I didn’t speak nor could I look him in his eyes because I felt like tears were going to trickle down my face because I felt lost. The moment I said it … he went into a detached mode. He was being logical … and I was emotional. So I sat in front of him with my legs tucked under my arms with my head down. As he sat there staring at me … then staring aimlessly elsewhere.

I don’t regret saying it because he is the one always telling me to be open … yet it seemed as though he couldn’t handle the truth. I was scared. I was afraid. I felt alone in my thoughts because he did not know how it happened, or he is just denying the facts. I’m just glad I let that out … let him know how I felt.

I don’t understand why he replys with “I don’t want to hurt you” comments … because when he says it … he does not want to hurt him by hurting me. I feel like he is using his self defense mechanism. He doesn’t understand that he can’t control everything. Whatever may happen is caused by his action, then my reaction, or vice versa.

– Liza Mae

Comments (6)

Protected: Random Thoughts

Posted on 20 August 2004 by Liza Mae V.

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Questions …

Posted on 12 August 2004 by Liza Mae V.

I am still alive. Been MIA due to my computer being a wreck and my desire to fix it is lacking. My solution is to buy a new one but if anyone would kindly donate to my fund I will appreciate it. =)

I am so tired right now from work and wish I could take a lil nap but I have to leave for my next job in 15 minutes. I’ve been working so much that it is starting to catch up on me. This weekend I might take a mini-vacation to Niagara falls or Wasaga beach with Gerron depending if someone can take my shift on Sunday. I’ve basically seen Gerron every single day since we’ve met and I’m loving every minute of it. Though he is scared to get into a relationship due to his jaded state, I can not call him my boyfriend nor can I just call him a friend, so what title do I give him? I guess he is someone I am seeing and intimate with. I dont’ really know but all I know is that I am happy where I am standing. I think I am as scared as he is but I hide it better, but what exactly do I fear?

Damn I gotta go already.

– Liza Mae

Comments (1)

Protected: Mission Impossible

Posted on 01 August 2004 by Liza Mae V.

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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