Archive | November, 2004

Sleepless in Toronto

Posted on 21 November 2004 by Liza Mae V.

I woke up at 6am this morning and checked my phone. No missed calls. I haven’t heard his voice since thursday night after our disagreement. Actually, I did hear his voice yesterday when I listened to his voicemail, but that is the closest I got to hearing him. I feel almost numb. I don’t know why things like this happen to me. I used to keep things to myself when I had a problem with something and I realized that eventually all my bottled emotions will blow up one day. So now that I do state what I am thinking, I get the silent treatment. It is either I say something or don’t … both ways I get fucked for it. I know I am not alone in this, but why does it feel like that.

I don’t know what to think … what to do because the source of my problems is distancing himself from me. I don’t know what I said to cause him to react like this. He says he’s open … he says he’ll state what he dislikes … but I wonder if he will do so. Actions speak louder than words … but all I can do is wonder.

I am thinking about him … and I can’t stop thinking about him. I wonder if he is thinking about me too.

Exits.

– Liza Mae

Comments (3)

Moving On …

Posted on 14 November 2004 by Liza Mae V.

I’ve been saying this for a couple of years but I have never gone through with it for various reasons. Those reasons are not reasons, they are more of excuses because I am scared of what may happen if I do. I realize that life is short and I have no time to be scared.

Yesterday, Gerron came over and came in my room. My parents had called me out and was upset that a ‘boy’ that they didn’t know was in my room. I did not get mad because I expected that to happen. I actually laughed it off and Gerron had asked me why I was laughing. I told him what happened and I know he was thinking, why the hell are you laughing. I did not really know why till now. This was the final push. The reason why I need to move out.

I’ve finally met my match though it is not certain for nothing is certain but my parents are the hindrance of my progression. In order for my relationship to grow I need him around more often. I miss having those simple moments where I could just fall asleep with him next to me while watching TV. I’ve never really experienced those moments because of my limited amount of freedom.

I am turning 22 in a couple of months and I don’t need to be treated like I am 16 all over again. I need to be Independence. I need my space to be … me.

Fuck the bullshit.
This time I am serious.

– Liza Mae

Comments (8)

Moving Still

Posted on 12 November 2004 by Liza Mae V.

I am moving but standing still.

It is like I am in the subway … watching stations pass … people come and go … and some may follow the same path as I … and they exit at the same station but have different destinations. Constantly facing … judgments … not said verbally. I saw his eyes glaring at me. Motionless I sat … staring back … wondering where his mentality is at. But I don’t get too caught in his thoughts because mine overwhelm me. Seeing various faces … but only recognizing some … though I’ve never seen them in my life. I just have this feeling of comfort … and sometimes uneasiness. Though I may not see you in my vision … I can feel your eyes burning my back … and I automatically turn to see if this feeling was correct. But you try to hide the fact that you were just staring at me …

Just a random thought. Lately I’ve had a lot of visions on my mind … I feel a good entry coming …

<3 – Liza

Comments (1)

Time Limitations

Time Limitations

Posted on 07 November 2004 by Liza Mae V.

I feel so refreshed … I just took a relaxing bath provided by Lush “Purveyors of Fresh Handmade Cosmetics”. My skin feels so soft. Mmmm … I want to try their massage bars but I barely even have time to be pampered with one of those.

I miss idleness. I miss doing absolutely nothing. My schedule is so crammed that it stresses me out thinking about it. So I don’t really think about it. I just see what I have in store for the week and go with it.

I miss seeing him almost everyday. I miss looking forward to seeing him in my day. It is like we have to schedule when we will be available for each other. I feel like I don’t see him enough, but if I do … I feel like he will interrupt my studies … sometimes. I like him being around. I wish I had my own place but how can I give up … free home meals … breakfast in the morning … no laundry … no ironing … these things save me time in my week. Consider me spoiled by my parents. I am not the only one, my brothers are spoiled also. Many have told me that I need to break away from that because it steers me away from my independence. I believe it. (sigh)

The procrastinating ends. I have to go back to my studies.

<3 – Liza

Comments (8)

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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