Archive | March, 2006

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The Count Down Begins …

Posted on 28 March 2006 by Liza Mae V.

I find it so terrifying that my days of University are almost over yet it seems like so far away since I have so much to accomplish before then. I am so swamped with work that it is all I think of. Until next Friday! Then of course, exams start, but that hasn’t been overwhelming me yet because I am taking one task at a time. *sigh*

Tomorrow I have a presentation and I get nervous when I have to do presentations. Ahhhh. Hopefully my partner will speak more than I because I hate speaking in front of everyone. He seems to love to speak infront of people, so most likely he will speak more. lol.

I miss him. I finally reached a point of stillness within myself with him. I have never reached this point in my life where I am confused about anything and everything is in its place. I feel so refreshed and when days are rough, he gives me a breath of fresh air. Though sometimes he takes my breath away. It amazes me how men or maybe just him, can turn their emotions with a flick of a switch. He could be the most affectionate person one minute, and be totally focused on his work or music, another minute. Woman’s transitions are much slower. After sex we need to cuddle … men just want to pass out. lol. I can’t speak for all sexes but that is what Martina and I spoke of the other day. Everyday I do not see him, my days do not feel complete, but that’s life. Schedules are conflicting, deadlines have to be met, priorities have to be considered, and there is always tomorrow.

Somedays are more heart wrenching than others because the need for physical touch of our lover is lacking, the affection, the scent of their natural essence, just the feel of their positive aura surrounding us with love.

I miss the feeling.

Some nights I crawl in a ball in my bed, holding my pillow wishing it was replaced with him. Solid as a rock, but he has this warmth that heats up my soul. He’s the reason for my being.

Ever wake up and think what’s the point of all this life that I am living? I found that meaning. To love him and be loved by him. To learn to adapt to each others weaknesses and build each other to become better people.

This has been the most stable I’ve been in my life. It is better than the ‘honey moon’ stage or first few months of a relationship because there is no more guessing,
‘How does he feel about me?’
‘How do i feel about him?’
‘Is this feeling real or surreal?’
Everything is clear, though somedays are cloudy. Most of the time the sunshines through our disagreements and we find our way through it. I realized how important communication between us is the medium that brings us back to the middle. My emotions aren’t so confusing, jumping from one extreme to the next (ex. Happy to Sad, vice versa). My emotions aren’t controlled but they reach this equilibrium state after the extremes are reached.

Just to think I was questioning EVERYTHING about him, me, and us, a few months ago. Now I feel as though I acquired most of the answers along the way. Picking up the pieces, one by one, getting closer to this point of wisdom and knowledge.

-Liza Mae V.

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Back Logs

Posted on 22 March 2006 by Liza Mae V.

I was looking back at logs of conversations, late nights of mental masturbation. I seen through my conversation, how young I was then. I was an underdeveloped lost girl living in this enormous world–so it seemed. You guided me through the most critical of times when I was trying to broaden my horizons. You opened me up to this world I did not see, the way of love, you did teach me. I was a non-believer but you taught me to believe. It goes deeper than what I’ve learned but how I learned and how I implement it in my daily life. How grateful I am.

Now it is time to continue this journey … absorbing, faultering, learning to not making mistakes, appreciating, loving, to be loved … just living. I feel grown. I do not feel lost though sometimes I lose myself, I know how to pick up the pieces. I learned to analyze my feelings and put them in words. No more pent up frustrations, no more wanting to be this person I want to be, because I am this person. I love myself, imperfect as I maybe. Though sometimes those close to me keep me in check when I am out of line. I strive for continuous improvement. blar.

I am done … for now.

-Liza Mae

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Bed Rest.

Posted on 12 March 2006 by Liza Mae V.

I’ve been in bed since Thursday night.
I can finally sit up without feeling too dizzy.
My stomach is still tossing and turning making me go to the washroom every few hours.
Atleast I ain’t throwing up anymore.
I had food poisoning or stomach flu.
I don’t really know what is the difference
but all I know is that it made me feel like shit.
I haven’t had food except rice/bread/banana and drinks like gingerale or water.
I am so hungry for the taste of some real food.

I had chinese food (General Tso Chicken).
I knew it did not sit well in my stomach.
After work I felt really ill.

I tossed, turned, and sweat in bed till 3am.
I finally threw up everything I ate on Thursday.
I had chocolate Boost after because my stomach felt empty.
In the morning I was making tea and I felt very nauseous.
I ran to the washroom and I reached the door and threw up,
and slipped on it, but didn’t fall because I grabbed the door in time.

Slept in bed all day. Didn’t feel too well but it is now Sunday

-Liza Mae

Comments (3)

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.


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