Tag Archive | "hopes"

picking up the pieces

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picking up the pieces

Posted on 05 August 2011 by Liza Mae V.

“Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together.”
– Ray Bradbury

The reality is that I am back in Toronto and I am no longer in New York City! So as I read through my last entry of ‘NYC breakup or just separated?’, I must confess that is only a piece of why it was so hard to leave New York City.

So it is not the question of why it was so difficult to leave NYC but the real question that should be answered is why did I want to leave Toronto?

I was unhappy with my life in Toronto and just needed to get away from it all. So I picked up my bags and just left it all behind. I delayed this decision for awhile for I had many responsibilities that I had to attend to, mainly the properties.

As reckless as it was, I just did what I felt I needed to do and a few of my closest friends were pushing me in this direction for they seen how unhappy I was. But what really pushed me to the brinks of this decision was the fact that J extended his stay in China. This really broke me 10x more than my previous entry, ‘missing you’.

His arrival was supposed to be right before my birthday but that didn’t happen and I just lost it. All logic went out the window and I just did what I felt I needed to do. When faced with adversity you instinctively fight or flight? I choose the latter, literally and mentally. I didn’t want to fight any more battles or struggle through the stresses of my daily life.

Some can say that my situation wasn’t that bad or it could of been worse but as immature as it may sound, I just didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to find an escape and forget it all. Though it would of been temporary, at least I knew that some how, I can find a peace/piece of mind … again.

escape button

Taken with an iPhone and Instagram App

It is like I had a clocking system of my life in Toronto, and I had to mentally check out. I stopped thinking about my repercussions or my responsibilities, I just checked out.

Now that I have finally checked back in, things started off rocky but I’m slowly picking up the pieces. It is like I have lost myself and trying to find myself again. Some days are great and other days are not so great. I’m trying to find the fine medium but at least I can see the pieces, just trying to figure out what pieces I want to keep versus leave behind.

One thing I am assured of is that everything I want in life is right in front of me. I just got to start believing in myself, as everyone has believed in me.

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Gemini’s Horoscope: Opinions

Posted on 11 May 2009 by Liza Mae V.

Monday, May 11th, 2009 — The confusing thing about today is that everyone seems to have an opinion about what you should do, but none of their great ideas feels exactly right to you. You might even question your own judgment, wondering how others can see what you cannot. Self-doubt is unproductive; just listen to your inner voice now, even if it’s contrary to the advice you are receiving.

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Some may think I am a dreamer because I state things that seem unrealistic … to them.  In their own realm they think my dreams are things out of this world but to me, these ‘dreams’ are going to be my reality.  If one limit’s their thought to what they think, they will never be more.  Though the doubters sometimes  make me revisit my dream, I still come to the same conclusion.  I laugh at the doubters and the haters because I kindof feel sorry for them.  I want to be more than a person living this rat race of life.  I am more than that … I am.

– Liza Mae

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keep moving forward … desire to be inspired

Posted on 25 April 2009 by Liza Mae V.

I am sitting on the porch soaking in the sun on a Saturday afternoon thinking of things that have progressed in the last year.  I smile back on the memories and it makes me teary-eyed.  Who would of thought I would be here now, a year later.  I sit in a house which he envisioned a year gone.  Many people speak of things they dream about but many people do not put those dreams in motion.  He is a person who has made it happen.

I remember laying in my parents house with him on the left of me, speaking of a place that he and I should share together.  We spoke about subletting, renting, and lastly owning a house.   The first two did not happen because it was decided that the latter should happen, owning/living in a house we could call our own.  So we sacrificed some freedom to save money and now here we are.  I didn’t officially move out of my parents but it is apparent that I basically moved out except for some clothes that I have left there.  My brother Rich, called me 10 min ago to ask me if he can move my remains in the smaller room for he is going to move in to my room for it is larger.  This was like a smack in my face, not in a bad way but in a reality check type of way, “I HAVE MOVED OUT”.  I go to my parents maybe once a week and when I do, it feels foreign to me.  At first the house felt foreign but now I can finally call it home.  We haven’t yet settled in due to renovations and the fact that we have rented majority of the house in order to reach our next goal of getting another house as an income property.  I have grown to love this house and the memories we have built together.  Unfortunately, it is time to build memories elsewhere, and where is that exactly?  It could be helping poor children in the streets of Philippines, enjoying the busyness of the streets of Tokyo, or eating crepes with the French in Nice, France.  Basically my memories are built with people in places.  I do not get attached to places, I get attached to people whom I love in those places. For example, before I made friends in New York City, I wasn’t too gong-ho about it except for the shopping.  After making friends, I love New York or more so, I love my friends in New York.  They are the reason why I keep coming back.  I still shop in New York but it is not my reason for visiting.  This reminds me that I am long over due for a trip to NYC.

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So I have been meaning to post this video that I received from a co-worker, weeks back.

It made me think of things that inspire me to be.  I am a pretty lazy relaxed person, so what makes me get out of bed in the morning?  My desire to get another house and then retire.  It is not that I want to lay in bed and watch Dr. Phil all day but I want to travel and also help people.  He has showed me the organization(missionary) that he volunteered for in Mexico and it inspired me.  I realized working for a corporation to make the rich richer isn’t satisfying.  It is my time to help those who truly need help.  There aren’t enough hands to feed those who starve, so I want to offer my hands to feed empty hearts.

What inspires you to be?

– Liza Mae

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words worth reading

Posted on 11 March 2007 by Liza Mae V.

So I got a call from a comforting voice earlier and he made me aware that we are going on a ‘triple’ date … movies at 8 … be ready.

I feel like the days of drunk clubbing nights have gone and it is time to settle down.  The first words I uttered this morning were … “I’m content … I’m happy!”  This feeling is unfathomable.  As I smiled to myself in disbelief of what I was feeling, I sunk myself in my sheets and started reading “Everyone Worth Knowing” by Lauren Weisberger, a book I could barely put down.  I told myself last week that I should start to read again because working with people in retail didn’t exactly keep my sense of speech up to par.  So earlier in the week, I dragged myself to the local Chapters and browsed the different sections with a list in my pocket of my friend’s favorite books listed on their myspace book section.  So I managed to get a career related book with interviewing questions and answers, “Everyone Worth Knowing”, and “I Know This Much is True” by Wally Lamb.  So this week I found myself, watching less of MTV reality TV shows, and enjoying a good book.  So if anyone has recommends … feel free to comment.

I feel a sense of accomplishment because I actually acted on what I wanted to do, instead of putting it off.  YAY LIZA!!

– Liza Mae V.

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Future begins today…

Posted on 07 March 2007 by Liza Mae V.

So things are starting to pick up career-wise.  I just had 4 interviews in 2 days with 6 different people in the same organization.  It was intense, intimidating, but I love the challenge.  It gave me an opportunity to find my interviewing style, as well as gave me the confidence I was lacking.  I couldn’t say that I DID land the job but I did the best that I could with the best of my abilities.  Now it’s up to the employers to make that decision.

Now I am focused on landing myself a CAREER not a job.  I have another interview tomorrow but I am still applying because it is not over till the fat lady sings.

I thank those who were helping me through the process.  G surprised me with his enthusiasm and belief in me.  Everyone believes that I did well at yesterday’s interview and that I have a great opportunity, but I have no expectations.  Just seeing what happens.

Time to search for more jobs.

-Liza Mae

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Can’t sleep … Too Hot in Here

Posted on 24 December 2003 by Liza Mae V.

I can’t seem to figure out why my sleeping habits are all fucked up … its like my internal clock is never going to be fixed … when I am alone … it feels as though there is no point of sleeping anymore. I dream a lot of bad things … which consisted of … things/people that annoyed me … instead of … this man of my dreams … which is lost in this cave of my mind which is preoccupied with … many thoughts … questions … which provoke me … to answer them … ASAP … or I can’t sleep … peacefully. I am so anal about things I can’t seem to figure out … its like … I have constipation … I just want to get it out … but before I do so … I have to work at it so I push and push … or take some Metumucil. Damn … all I need for Christmas is … another problem. I just don’t need another one … or else … I’m going to erupt from this volcano … and go loco. Oh well I’ll just live and learn … that’s basically all I can do.

-Liza

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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