As I try to come up with the words to describe what I am feeling or thinking I stumble for I can only explain so much. I have been going through extremes in the last few weeks and at one point I thought I was going to lose my mind with anxiety then something calmed me to the point of sleep. As I tried different things to take away the anxiety like yoga stretches, laying in bed listening to soft music on my iPod, nothing seemed to work. Then I saw the little red book, the Bible, at the edge of my eye and I picked it up. It was like the answer to all my questions at that defining moment. I read a part that really struck a cord in me which calmed me to the point I relaxed then went to bed peacefully. Excerpts from Philippians 4:
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
After that defining moment I realized anxiety is due to my fear of the unknown and I have always tried to pave the path before walking but now I am walking on rocky roads barefooted.
I have narrowed the gap of my extremes and have been more in the middle, also known as being content. When I realized that I need to stop controlling things I became more aware. Now everything that I saw in black and white has turned into vibrant colours. I have gained an awareness that I have never felt before. Matthiew 6:
22“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
- Liza Mae
