Since I’ve been back in Toronto life hasn’t been quite the same as when I left and quite honestly I haven’t been having the best of days. I have been practically house bound since I arrived for I have to figure out some things in my life, big and small, and I don’t have a car. This has caused me to be demotivated to exercise or move but a close friend of mine told me I need to go running for it will make me feel better. In my mind I knew it would be good for me, for it would make me realize that I can breath the fresh air, soak in some sun, and give me that runner’s high. I still wasn’t motivated but with enough time and mental preparation, 7 hours later, I finally removed my pajama gear I’ve been mopping around in for the past 2 days and threw on some baggy pants, tank, and running shoes.
As I began running I started to feel the soreness of my body especially my quadriceps. I thought I couldn’t do my regular 5KM route for I haven’t been this sore before. I don’t know what I did but I was in pain. Every step I could feel my muscle fibers yelling at me to stop but I started to drown out the noise with my iPod, feeling the air fill my lungs, the kiss of the sun on my skin, and the ground beneath my feet.
I began to start feeling alive again but was still in pain. I doubted I could do the full route, so in my mind I said I’ll do a lot less than normal.
As I approached a house with two kids playing in their front lawn, they stopped what they were doing to wave and smile as I passed. I could not resist smiling back for kids are the most purest of creatures. They made me feel like I was running a marathon where people cheered from the sideline. It was probably 7 minutes in to my run and they made me appreciate that moment from thereon. Life is too short to be miserable.
I managed to do my regular 5KM running route and in record time of 25 minutes. I fought through the pain and guess what?
I survived.
Life can be painful at times but we just have to push through the pain for it will make us stronger and as cliche as it sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you are going through a painful experience, the light does not shine bright but as time moves forward, you will start to see the light again.
As I read through Zen Habits list of 75 Simple Pleasures I thought it would be nice to make a list of my own. I have always made these lists in my written journal but why not share it with the world. It is just simple things that make me smile and be happy. It is not too complicated nor costly, just simple. Sometimes these things are what keep me moving especially when the current is going against me.
Note: Not in any particular order, just random thoughts.
As I try to come up with the words to describe what I am feeling or thinking I stumble for I can only explain so much. I have been going through extremes in the last few weeks and at one point I thought I was going to lose my mind with anxiety then something calmed me to the point of sleep. As I tried different things to take away the anxiety like yoga stretches, laying in bed listening to soft music on my iPod, nothing seemed to work. Then I saw the little red book, the Bible, at the edge of my eye and I picked it up. It was like the answer to all my questions at that defining moment. I read a part that really struck a cord in me which calmed me to the point I relaxed then went to bed peacefully. Excerpts from Philippians 4:
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
After that defining moment I realized anxiety is due to my fear of the unknown and I have always tried to pave the path before walking but now I am walking on rocky roads barefooted.
I have narrowed the gap of my extremes and have been more in the middle, also known as being content. When I realized that I need to stop controlling things I became more aware. Now everything that I saw in black and white has turned into vibrant colours. I have gained an awareness that I have never felt before. Matthiew 6:
22“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
I have climbed mountains, jumped islands, and swam in fresh water. I’ve never quite experienced the world like this and it is simply amazing.
A few months ago I was drowning in numbers at my cubicle, counting minutes until 5pm, and worked myself to exhaustion.
Who would have thought my life would change so drastically?
I was drinking coffee from Timmies costing $1.50, now I am drinking fresh coconut juice or even better mango shakes for less than $0.50. Who wouldn’t want to trade their life for this life I am currently savoring?
Many seem to delude themselves into believing that they need millions to enjoy life but what I’ve been experiencing is that a dollar can stretch a long way. It is not about how much money you make, but how far you can make your money work for you.
What is the point of making so much money when you don’t know what you are going to use it for? Our societies need for more is deceptive and dubious. We already have everything we need, we just WANT more but ask yourself, why is there that need?
I’ve been hearing the words of “You’re Crazy!”, as of late because of my defining decision which took the world, my world and everyone surrounding it, by storm. One of the few friends, Bobby, who understands what I am doing said something profound to me which I hold near and dear to my heart.
He said, “Well you are not trying to be normal, so to them ‘Yes’ you are crazy.”
Whenever someone would comment as such I would go back to what he said. I realize I am not my friends, nor am I the majority. It is not that I am trying to distinguish myself from everyone else, for everyone wants the same thing, to be happy. Essentially, that is what my pursuit is and this is my story.
I scratch my head because thoughts flutter my mind like butterflies being born exponentially. I have dreams which seems to peak so high that it seems impossible to reach for the entirety of this society. I envision my future so vividly that it seems like I am living in it. Every day I come closer to this dream and start letting go of my tired yesterdays. I am ready. I have reached the point of exasperation, (deep breath). I have taken my last breath of this life and have gone in to the realm of freedom. I know nothing of my yesterdays, know only of my today and hope to attain my dreams of tomorrow.
Quest for Excellence
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but all I know is that I am not mediocre. I do not strive to be mediocre, so why have I settled for so long?
My regular routine for the past four months was to wake up with mi amore and work out with him. I was really getting used to this routine but now that he is away, my life schedule has to change. I decided to move my workouts to the evenings because the mornings are becoming darker and as a female, I am too afraid to be running around by myself. Also, I figure that I have more time to kill and it will also keep my mind off things. Of course weekends are an exception, so I will workout in the morning on the weekends.
So my workout schedule will be as follows:
Monday – Upper Body / Abs
Tuesday – Hip Hop
Wednesday – Running / Hills
Thursday – Legs or Hot Yoga*
Friday – Upper Body / Abs
Saturday – Running / Hills
Sunday – Legs
* Hot Yoga is new to me, so I’ll attempt one class and if I like it then I will continue. If not then I will just do legs.
What I find is that we lack motivation to workout but I have found my motivation … mi amore. So I can look sexy for him when I see him again. =)
I am sitting on the porch soaking in the sun on a Saturday afternoon thinking of things that have progressed in the last year. I smile back on the memories and it makes me teary-eyed. Who would of thought I would be here now, a year later. I sit in a house which he envisioned a year gone. Many people speak of things they dream about but many people do not put those dreams in motion. He is a person who has made it happen.
I remember laying in my parents house with him on the left of me, speaking of a place that he and I should share together. We spoke about subletting, renting, and lastly owning a house. The first two did not happen because it was decided that the latter should happen, owning/living in a house we could call our own. So we sacrificed some freedom to save money and now here we are. I didn’t officially move out of my parents but it is apparent that I basically moved out except for some clothes that I have left there. My brother Rich, called me 10 min ago to ask me if he can move my remains in the smaller room for he is going to move in to my room for it is larger. This was like a smack in my face, not in a bad way but in a reality check type of way, “I HAVE MOVED OUT”. I go to my parents maybe once a week and when I do, it feels foreign to me. At first the house felt foreign but now I can finally call it home. We haven’t yet settled in due to renovations and the fact that we have rented majority of the house in order to reach our next goal of getting another house as an income property. I have grown to love this house and the memories we have built together. Unfortunately, it is time to build memories elsewhere, and where is that exactly? It could be helping poor children in the streets of Philippines, enjoying the busyness of the streets of Tokyo, or eating crepes with the French in Nice, France. Basically my memories are built with people in places. I do not get attached to places, I get attached to people whom I love in those places. For example, before I made friends in New York City, I wasn’t too gong-ho about it except for the shopping. After making friends, I love New York or more so, I love my friends in New York. They are the reason why I keep coming back. I still shop in New York but it is not my reason for visiting. This reminds me that I am long over due for a trip to NYC.
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So I have been meaning to post this video that I received from a co-worker, weeks back.
It made me think of things that inspire me to be. I am a pretty lazy relaxed person, so what makes me get out of bed in the morning? My desire to get another house and then retire. It is not that I want to lay in bed and watch Dr. Phil all day but I want to travel and also help people. He has showed me the organization(missionary) that he volunteered for in Mexico and it inspired me. I realized working for a corporation to make the rich richer isn’t satisfying. It is my time to help those who truly need help. There aren’t enough hands to feed those who starve, so I want to offer my hands to feed empty hearts.
I realized that I will not be able to meet deadlines due to unexpected life occurrences. Also, goals seem to change as priorities shift and realities kick in. This is not to say that I am totally dreading life, but I am actually enjoying the little moments that make up my day. I pushed off some of my goals to spend time with mi amore, family, and friends.
Last weekend for Easter I spent time with my girlfriends to celebrate Wan Ting’s birthday with dinner at a Korean restaurant, then karaoke. While we were singing my heart out to Flo Rida – Right Round, Britney Spears – Womanizer, and Usher – Love in this Club, mi amore spent time catching up with his ex. I like this balance in our relationship where we do not have to do everything together, we have our separate lives outside of the relationship. I’ve learned that mi amore may not like doing all the things that I like to do, so instead of him compromising his time, I will do it on my own. Fortunately enough, we have more things in common than not, so this is not an issue.
On Easter Sunday, we went to my family to have lunch. I always enjoy spending time with my family, especially with the kiddies. I have three nephews, all under the age of three.
Mi Amore, friends, and family are my priorities and spending time with them is worth pushing some deadlines further.
My updated update:
House is rented for May 1, so many things have to be done around the house (basement reno, cleaning, installation of washer/dryer, and small touch-ups)
Work-out schedule (Mon – Cycling | Tue – Hip Hop | Wed – Cross-training | Thu – Running | Fri – Cross-Traing, Sat – Running | Sun – Cross-Training) One to two days I will be resting, I’m not that psycho. lol
I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.
