It was the summer of 1994 when I first travelled to New York City. I was 11 years old and it was a summer road trip with my family where we went from Toronto-Ottawa-Vermont-New York City-Toronto. It was quite a scenic trip and I loved the mountains in Vermont and remember going through a bridge that had a house structure covering it. Then as we got closer to the city you can start to notice the congestion of vehicles and buildings starting to emerge. I have visited New York City before this but I was even younger and didn’t really appreciate or care to notice my surroundings. This time was quite different for I was pre-teens and can comprehend the greatness that was New York City. This is not my first time writing about New York for I did a comparison 5 years ago, New York vs. Toronto, and looking back I shouldn’t of let anyone hold me from my dreams, another story, another day.
I loved the busyness that filled the streets of New York City. You can feel the energy in the air and the bright lights everywhere. I remember hanging out with my cousin and her friend on the front building steps in Astoria, Queens, listening to music-filled cars blaring salsa or hip hop music or passerby’s talking amongst each other. This is when I started people watching for amusement. I watch the way people move, interact, dress, and try to analyze what kind of person they are. I can do this for hours and New York City is an awesome city to do so.
Brooklyn Bridge
New York City isn’t for everyone but I love it. What makes me love it even more is the friends that I have met throughout the years. It is one of the main reasons I keep coming back for I love them and I have a couple of my favorite people here. Every time I visit it seems I gain a new friendship through friends of friends or just randomly. You are guaranteed to see a new face every time you step outside, so the amount of interactions is endless.
For some reason I still remember 2 songs that remind me of my first trip to New York City which I had to check release years to validate that my memory served me correct. It was 1994 when TLC released CrazySexyCool and Aaliyah (RIP) released Aged Ain’t Nothing but a Number. These are the two songs that bring back the memories of New York City at the age of 11.
TLC – Creep
Aaliyah – Back and Forth
My closest friends from Toronto keep telling me that New York City is where my heart belongs. In 2006 I wrote about New York vs. Toronto and I still feel the same way 5 years later minus the ex. I’m not too sure if I am convinced to move but I definitely do not eliminate it from my future. Anything is possible but for now I will continue to love New York City for all that it has to offer and I’ll try to figure out where and what my next steps are going to be.
“So here I am sitting in a corner
feeling the world around me, slowly caving in …
watching the walls coming closer
as I shrivel up into a ball
getting smaller and smaller …
Feeling the pressure incase me
trapping my soul …
For after death, my souls all I have,
and as I take my last breaths
I appreciate what life I have left …
just gotta live life with
NO REGRETS”
- Liza Mae (Drunken State in Kentucky – May 20, 2005)
another year of my life has passed and as I trace back my past … I smile with great appreciation. As of late, I started to look at all the people in my life with such love and appreciation that I am starting to feel all this love in my heart that it shows in everything I do. I’m sure the love was always there but I took it for granted and I apologize. Now that I’m starting to pay attention I feel truly loved. Maybe it is due to the fact that I started to look for love within myself and God that it transferred outwardly to people around me.
Press Play.
“My friends wonder what is wrong with me
‘Coz I’m caught up in a hazy love, you see
It’s comeback to let me know
Got a thing called love and it won’t let go
Love is the word, have you heard, it’s superb
It’s got groove, it’s got style, it’s got feeling
Love is the word that I’ve heard
It’s so hard to describe what it is that I’m feeling|
What you know about love?
The truest kinda love I know
Is when I love myself for my soul
What good am I to you if I don’t love myself
Before I love someone else?
The realest kinda love I know
Is when I learn to love and let go,
Sometimes you cannot hold on to
To the river when, when it flows”
- Sweet Back | Love is the Word
I have never felt this way before and I hope the feeling doesn’t fade. I appreciate everyone that has influenced my life in the most positive ways for you light up my life. The least I can do is show my appreciation.
Three years have passed us by and I remember the first days our eyes crossed – it was just like yesterday. Something about those big brown eyes that had me mesmerized. I truly miss you and it sucks that we are at a distance but you are always close to my heart – near or far. I love you and I am blessed to have you in my life. Happy Anniversary Mi Amore.
Montreal in 2008
Montreal in 2008
This is a song that reminds me of 2008, the year we met | Estelle – You Are (Feat. John Legend).
Every Little
Every Little
The first time I met you
You were so quiet and cool you
Never thought that you would catch my heart the way you did
All of the sadness in passing
Making me feel like I’m past it
But you really end in the sweetest way
Oh I’m so commended by you
All in my music all you
Do you keeps me surfing on the hook that we can be together are you
I hope you listen to this
I hope you get to feel this
Because everything is you
Come on
Come close to me
Only your love can do me
Every little thing I do you are
Baby you know your special
I don’t care what the rest do
Every lttle thing I do you are
If love had a face then its you
Made for me how did you know
The best type of love who must have led you to hurt me
If there’s anything I can do
Let me know I’ll be a fool
But don’t take advantage coz I will hate to have to leave you
Your touch makes me feel like a woman
Takes me beyond feeling human
When you touch me oh the smell of you drives me drazy
When we’re alone its beautiful
makes me not want to leave you no
Everything is you
Come close to me
Only your love can do me
Every little thing I do you are
Baby you know your special
I don’t care what the rest do
Every lttle thing I do you are
Come close to me
Only your love can do me
Every little thing I do you are
Baby you know your special
I don’t care what the rest do
Every lttle thing I do you are
Ooh when your lying next to me
I can’t believe your next to me
It’s only us in this moment
No interuptions we’re focus
Tell you I’m glad I risked it
God knows that I would have missed it
You’re so amazing baby everything you do
come close to me
Only your love
Everything little thing I do you are
Baby you know your special
I don’t care about the rest
Everything little thing I do you are
Baby
Baby you are
Baby you are
Baby you are
Baby
So it has been a little over a month since my bf has left for China and I thought it would be easier than it is. It isn’t quite what it seems in theory compared to in reality. I realized that he brings me happiness in so many levels, emotional, physical, and spiritual. He is emotionally and spiritually here but the physical heightens those feelings. I used to look forward to seeing him after work each day, especially on Fridays. Days are just mediocre and that is just not enough. I want to smile when I wake up and just be delighted with life. Unfortunately, I have gone astray and I’m back at my mundane state. I am far from content because it feels a part of me is displaced, temporarily. Anyways, time to read my daily horoscope:
Friday, Oct 16th, 2009 – Although your life seems to get busier now that Mars is in your 3rd House of Immediate Environment, you’ll probably float through the day without being overly concerned. You are a person on a mission today and very little can come between you and your goals, but your sense of balance may be a little off. For the best results continue on your current path with as little change as possible.
+++
I am quite the busy body these days. Juggling a new house, my bf’s basement renovations, work, and LuxaVision. I have not been consistent with my alone time and I need more of that. I include my fitness time as alone time for I focus on only me. I am going to do that after work today because I deserve it.
I need to focus on my goals and need not worry about the details. I just need to become one with my chaos.
The clouds emerged in the sky on a Saturday evening and the air was slightly cool. My boyfriend and I walked to the Starbucks on the Danforth to sip on one of our favorite hot liquid drinks, Caramel Macchiato. It was too cool and gloomy to sit in the patio so we sat in the store front gazing out at people and cars pass. The warmth of the concoctions soothed away my previously melancholy state.
Suddenly, the trees started to sway quickly because the wind started to pick up, the sky started to darken, and people outside started to scatter in a hurry.
I am sitting on the porch soaking in the sun on a Saturday afternoon thinking of things that have progressed in the last year. I smile back on the memories and it makes me teary-eyed. Who would of thought I would be here now, a year later. I sit in a house which he envisioned a year gone. Many people speak of things they dream about but many people do not put those dreams in motion. He is a person who has made it happen.
I remember laying in my parents house with him on the left of me, speaking of a place that he and I should share together. We spoke about subletting, renting, and lastly owning a house. The first two did not happen because it was decided that the latter should happen, owning/living in a house we could call our own. So we sacrificed some freedom to save money and now here we are. I didn’t officially move out of my parents but it is apparent that I basically moved out except for some clothes that I have left there. My brother Rich, called me 10 min ago to ask me if he can move my remains in the smaller room for he is going to move in to my room for it is larger. This was like a smack in my face, not in a bad way but in a reality check type of way, “I HAVE MOVED OUT”. I go to my parents maybe once a week and when I do, it feels foreign to me. At first the house felt foreign but now I can finally call it home. We haven’t yet settled in due to renovations and the fact that we have rented majority of the house in order to reach our next goal of getting another house as an income property. I have grown to love this house and the memories we have built together. Unfortunately, it is time to build memories elsewhere, and where is that exactly? It could be helping poor children in the streets of Philippines, enjoying the busyness of the streets of Tokyo, or eating crepes with the French in Nice, France. Basically my memories are built with people in places. I do not get attached to places, I get attached to people whom I love in those places. For example, before I made friends in New York City, I wasn’t too gong-ho about it except for the shopping. After making friends, I love New York or more so, I love my friends in New York. They are the reason why I keep coming back. I still shop in New York but it is not my reason for visiting. This reminds me that I am long over due for a trip to NYC.
+++
So I have been meaning to post this video that I received from a co-worker, weeks back.
It made me think of things that inspire me to be. I am a pretty lazy relaxed person, so what makes me get out of bed in the morning? My desire to get another house and then retire. It is not that I want to lay in bed and watch Dr. Phil all day but I want to travel and also help people. He has showed me the organization(missionary) that he volunteered for in Mexico and it inspired me. I realized working for a corporation to make the rich richer isn’t satisfying. It is my time to help those who truly need help. There aren’t enough hands to feed those who starve, so I want to offer my hands to feed empty hearts.
I just got home from dropping him off and his presence still lingers. I lay on the left side of the bed, leaving space for him though I know that isn’t ’til tomorrow. I have developed this habit of making space, not quite filled at the moment. So I take a deep breath and think of the days to come when we will be connected as one consistently.
On Monday I was eating dinner and my mother had asked what mi amor was gonna eat, but I said he wasn’t here. She seemed shocked at my response. We see each other almost daily and I don’t seem to get sick of him. He is the highlight of my day because he makes me smile, laugh, and best of all he makes me feel LOVED!!!
3 more weeks …
Liza Mae
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
I am trying to organize my thoughts
but it seems I keep getting lost.
A.D.D. got the best of me,
thinking of … him
dreaming of … when
stressing about … what could of been
throwing the remains in a box to be forgotten
I’ll start this weekend …
begin with anything resembling him.
re-reading the prior all over again, trying to come up with something
but I keep on thinking …
I want to let it out but my fingers can’t catch up …
BLAR!!!
(re-read)
(re-read) (singing … Just Dance … going to be okay … just dance … going to be okay .. dance dance dance)
+++
It seems most of my material things are either, falling apart, getting lost, being fixed, or getting replaced.
1. My car’s windshield had a small crack that became a crack straight across, now replaced.
2. My car’s light was no longer shining because of wiring issues, now fixed.
3. My FM Transmitter was lost, now replaced but still hoping to find it.
4. My spare iPod USB is lost, still lost.
5. My clothe dryer was no longer heating just tumbling, now replaced.
6. My PC’s CD Burner and Universal Media card reader are no longer recognized, I need to replace/temporarily fix.
I know it seems like I am falling apart but there is one thing in my life that seems to be going RIGHT!
7. My heart was broken, now is fixed.
Things seem to feel so different this time. I feel FREEdom and with that I have gained some wisdom. I have learned a lot about myself and about others. Continuously learning … growing … loving … forgiving …
I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.
Montreal in 2008
Montreal in 2008
