Posted on 14 October 2008 by Liza Mae V.
This just came out the way it did and sorry if it is too hard to understand …
+++
The passion between us is so strong that it still resonates within me. I crumble with the thoughts of us together. It has been six days too long since we were in close proximity and the moment that he came close to me, I reached pure bliss. It was an euphoric moment. The thoughts of us makes my knees weak and stomach turn. I can not even describe this connection we share because there are not enough words to describe this feeling. I am still lost for words but the only words that seem to flow from my lips are “I love you” and those words are not even enough, so I try to show this love with my touch, my kisses, my smile. His eyes glow while I stare back at them and his eyes smile with his lips. I can barely type this because the passion is too much for my mind to catch up to it. I can not really describe it but all I know is that it makes my soul smile – it makes me happy inside and out.
Wearing her heart on her sleeve,
- Liza Mae
Posted on 16 June 2008 by Liza Mae V.
We were supposed to meet up on Friday after work but he distanced himself because an eMail I sent him (that is another story that I will get into at a later date). So I ended up hanging out with friends at Luminato and the Condo on Grand. I realized he did not completely shut me out since he did call me and did want to see me but without a group around. So he picked me up downstairs. The moment our eyes locked, there was a gravitational pull of our bodies. No words were exchanged – just passionate kisses and the yearning for each others touch. The passion exuded all other feelings and it felt like I haven’t seen him in months. The moment lasted forever, so it seemed, and we became totally immersed with each other. (Melts at the thoughts).
We headed to Coffee Time so that we could converse more over coffee but also I needed to use the bathroom badly. So we ran from the car to prevent ourselves from getting too wet from the storm. We were the only customers there and the attendant seemed a bit awkward. It was a weird atmosphere where beat-up drunks came for refuge after a long night. We had noticed water had started leaking from outside and that was our queue to head out of the place.
The night continued till early morning …
- Liza Mae
Posted on 28 April 2008 by Liza Mae V.
i a m h e r e.
y
o
u
a
r
e
t h e r e .
Lost between the spaces of time …
going back and forth in my mind.
yet I should be living here. i am here.
STOP reliving the pain … i tell myself over and over.
STOP seeing the tears fall from your face …
the disappointment and sadness … in your eyes.
I can’t forget, but I can not go back to it …
I need to STOP feeling this guilt that I feel.
I am here.
. not there.
i am where i need to be …
- Liza Mae
Posted on 25 April 2008 by Liza Mae V.
Everytime I think of him my heart breaks all over again …
This time apart is a good one. It makes me see the situations from the outside in. It makes me forgot about all the anger I had inside and really just get down to the facts. Emotions get in the way of reality and makes us make poor choices. Positivity is what I need. For example, it is better to question, “Can I live with him?” rather than asking, “Can I live without him?” The second question is a selfish one because it brings out other negative feelings of, “I can’t be alone”, “Can I picture him with someone else?”, and it really doesn’t question the validity of the relationship. For the first question “Can I live with him”, it questions the relationship with the person, “Are WE really compatible?”
Hrmmm … that brings me to an even better question – “Can we live with each other?”
In the relationship, I can place the blame on him but really I have to take a really close look at myself and why I let these issues happen. Yes he has his insecurities but why did I let his insecurities change the way I am? I adjusted to him and in the end, I lost a part of me. I realize now that this isn’t healthy in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with adjusting to the person you are with but when you lose yourself in the process and have that built-up resentment … it definitely is not healthy. This was my mistake. I changed for the wrong reasons.
I didn’t realize this but people around me did. They saw the changes in me that they did not admire but they did not speak about till now. Maybe due to the fear that I would shun them out – but true friends tell you what you do not want to hear but need to hear it.
- Liza Mae V.
Posted on 22 April 2008 by Liza Mae V.
push
pull
push
pull
breath deeply
break free
be happy
be.
I am in a state of mind that is juggling thoughts back and forth and external forces are swaying me to make a choice between my emotions. I am … lost …. struggling … trying to find my way home. Once upon a time I was focused – now far from that. I am standing at a crossroads, which road to follow? There is no right or wrong – just stuck in this grey area. My thoughts put me in this demise, wishing I was care-free. So I was put into a situation where I had to make a choice – that is to really look deep down inside myself and ask the question, “What will bring me to this point of happiness?” I do not know the answer to that question because that is what I am searching for. I’m trying to find the answers to my misunderstandings. Once I find myself again, I will know what it is that Liza really needed. If it is with you or without you … I will not know till that time of enlightenment. Time heals wounds. Time is what I need. Time is what you need. For now …
I love.
I will.
I am.
- Liza Mae
Posted on 27 October 2006 by Liza Mae V.
Posted on 10 September 2006 by Liza Mae V.
So after a long friday at work, we met up at my house for a blockbuster night and some food. He surprised me with a gift in his hand. It made me teary-eyed for it was sweet and perfect for the moment — and now writing about it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. It was not the gift itself but the thought and gesture behind it. I appreciate the small stuff. Love you a million times over!
Carrying a new born is a beautiful thing,
when his body is trying to adapt to the world,
all he can do is hold on with his dear life,
and trust in you that you will protect him,
care for him, and love him with all your soul.
Merely untainted and innocent,
he cries for your dear attention,
and suffers from deprevation
from the warmth of his mother’s womb.
Therefore, he quivers in your hands
trying to adjust to the cold world.
It gives me more reason to be because
he’s a beautiful thing.
Sunday swings along and an addition to the V family is added at 5:55am, weighing in at 7.3lbs of sweet innocence and goodness named Rummie. Though I am not a fan of the name, he is adorable. Ladies watch out!
-Liza Mae
Posted on 28 May 2006 by Liza Mae V.
Yesterday after Natalie’s BBQ he sat in my car trying to figure me out.
Why was I so upset?
Why am I not happy?
Is it something that he did to cause me to be like this? Possibly.
I do not know why I struggled to tell him but I said somethings that bothered me. He tried to defend his position. Why do I have to fight him to make him listen? Why is always in defense? I am not trying to attack. I am just telling him what’s up.
In the middle of the conversation the phone rings. It was a female, crying for some attention at 1:40 a.m. begging for him to come over to give her some loving, but he tried to push her aside to one of his male friends but she wasn’t calling for another’s attention. She was calling for him to soothe her, to crush her guts in an attempt to slaughter all the tension she had in her life. So I reacted with such uncertainty. I rarely scream in anger but I did, I told him to get out of my car, twice. He looked at me in shock and he froze in disbelief. I never showed such emotions. He got up and walked to his car. I broke into a million pieces and felt my blood pressure rise. I lost my breath and my throat became heavy. My face was filled with tears that they were pouring from my hands to the car seat. Then the anxiet hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I was losing myself, I felt like I was losing him, I felt like I lost faith.
Then his friend staggered to my car attempting to understand what happened but I could not speak because my tears were speaking for me. I was broken. G then came into my car and told me that the female calling was a friend that was confiding in him through her difficult times of marriage. That she was seeking for attention and that he would never cross me. He told me that things are not what they seem and he can not control what others say to him. He believed that I did not believe in his love for me. That I doubt him and this relationship. When all this time I thought believed in love, I was really a non-believer. When I thought he didn’t understand me, he knew me inside out. He told me things I have never heard roll out from his tongue. He opened up to me. I did not speak the whole time but I nodded. I was still recovering from my attack. He held me. I was no longer lost. I felt a sense of love that I never felt before.
Today is a brand new day — its time to make moves.
-Liza Mae V.
Posted on 20 April 2006 by Liza Mae V.
Yesterday I had the first confrontation with someone else other than my parents regarding my relationship with G, or more specifically a ‘black’ man. He parked infront of my house to pick up his card key for his house and to talk for a bit. So my aunt literally lives across the street and she happened to pick up some stuff from my house. So when I finished talking to G, I encountered the most disgusting put-down I have ever had to face in my entire 22 years. The words that spat from her mouth were not totally shocking but they were words of hate. I tried to keep my composure but I had to respond back with “Be quiet”, in less nicer words, if you know what I mean.
I know it is/was an issue with my parents but I’ve been going out with men that are totally not in my racial background and my parents learned to cope with it because they realize that they can’t really STOP what I am doing and that I am old enough to make decisions. Not that I don’t care about my parent’s views but in the end of the day my happiness is what I have to optimize. It seems that whatever you do, you can’t please everybody. Therefore,do what you feel is right despite what everyone thinks. No one should get in your way of happiness.
See you on the other side.
-Liza Mae
P.S. One more week of school left.
P.S.S Then I go to NYC then on a cruise.
