I find it so terrifying that my days of University are almost over yet it seems like so far away since I have so much to accomplish before then. I am so swamped with work that it is all I think of. Until next Friday! Then of course, exams start, but that hasn’t been overwhelming me yet because I am taking one task at a time. *sigh*
Tomorrow I have a presentation and I get nervous when I have to do presentations. Ahhhh. Hopefully my partner will speak more than I because I hate speaking in front of everyone. He seems to love to speak infront of people, so most likely he will speak more. lol.
I miss him. I finally reached a point of stillness within myself with him. I have never reached this point in my life where I am confused about anything and everything is in its place. I feel so refreshed and when days are rough, he gives me a breath of fresh air. Though sometimes he takes my breath away. It amazes me how men or maybe just him, can turn their emotions with a flick of a switch. He could be the most affectionate person one minute, and be totally focused on his work or music, another minute. Woman’s transitions are much slower. After sex we need to cuddle … men just want to pass out. lol. I can’t speak for all sexes but that is what Martina and I spoke of the other day. Everyday I do not see him, my days do not feel complete, but that’s life. Schedules are conflicting, deadlines have to be met, priorities have to be considered, and there is always tomorrow.
Somedays are more heart wrenching than others because the need for physical touch of our lover is lacking, the affection, the scent of their natural essence, just the feel of their positive aura surrounding us with love.
I miss the feeling.
Some nights I crawl in a ball in my bed, holding my pillow wishing it was replaced with him. Solid as a rock, but he has this warmth that heats up my soul. He’s the reason for my being.
Ever wake up and think what’s the point of all this life that I am living? I found that meaning. To love him and be loved by him. To learn to adapt to each others weaknesses and build each other to become better people.
This has been the most stable I’ve been in my life. It is better than the ‘honey moon’ stage or first few months of a relationship because there is no more guessing,
‘How does he feel about me?’
‘How do i feel about him?’
‘Is this feeling real or surreal?’
etc.
Everything is clear, though somedays are cloudy. Most of the time the sunshines through our disagreements and we find our way through it. I realized how important communication between us is the medium that brings us back to the middle. My emotions aren’t so confusing, jumping from one extreme to the next (ex. Happy to Sad, vice versa). My emotions aren’t controlled but they reach this equilibrium state after the extremes are reached.
Just to think I was questioning EVERYTHING about him, me, and us, a few months ago. Now I feel as though I acquired most of the answers along the way. Picking up the pieces, one by one, getting closer to this point of wisdom and knowledge.
-Liza Mae V.
