Tag Archive | "Rant"

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Random Ramblings Issue No. 1064

Posted on 19 August 2005 by Liza Mae V.

A pet peeve is posts saying “I am going to update soon!” … Just update … I don’t need a warning.

I just looked at my school schedule and I am in for another deadly semester.  I do not miss school, I just want to get it over ASAP.  I am trying to mentally prepare for it but its easier to THINK you won’t procastinate but when it comes down to it, I will procastinate.  Ack!  Also, I won’t be over analyzing my relationship with G as much as I do.  I have too much damn time to think of him.  School keeps me busy and thinking of other things.  Graduation is a hop … skip away.  It will be here sooner than I can even fathom.  The transition will not be an easy one.

My labor day weekend will be in NYC … its my yearly trip which started about 5 years ago when I was 17.  Usually I am so hyped about going but I am not.  Knowing that my house will be abandoned for the weekend and I could of had him sleep over the whole weekend … sucks!  It is too late to back out of my plans because I am the one who convinced my cousin to drive to NYC instead of taking a plane.  Only if I knew sooner.  I told myself that I would not go on vacation (esp. NYC) without him … but here I am.  I like to get away from the familiar, once in awhile … but he wants to save money, for who knows what.  AGhhhh … The main purpose for my trip is to see Lemar because he had just gone through a major surgery and I just want to watch over him.  I can’t imagine being alone after sugery … I would need all the support I can get.  I suppose the trip is all worth it.  That felt good to type.

The summer is almost over.  I realized I am getting sick of clubbing, it is not as fun as I remember.  Being in a relationship and clubbing, just don’t mix well with me.  My hunt has ended.  I usually used to go clubbing with Martina … and I had fun, but it is not the same.  It seems I only have fun when I have more friends around like Roxanne, Francine, Darlene, and friends from work.  I think because they are hillarious as hell.  I just enjoy the jokes we have.  I think the reason that Martina and I used to go to clubs is to pick up … no matter how much I  say I love to dance … this was the mere purpose.  I have more fun in dance class. [Reminds me … have to find a new dance studio to go to]  I think I am throwing in the towel.  My clubbing days in Toronto are going to be kept to a minimum.

I need to get a massage, my bed is horrible and I’ve had this knot for a week and I feel very tense.  Feel like paying for one.  Ack..

-Liza Mae

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Exam tension

Posted on 14 April 2005 by Liza Mae V.

It is 7am and I can’t seem to push this anxiety aside but the harder I try I get more aggrevated.  He said everything will be alright, tomorrow …  that I am just being naive and I want to believe him but I am stuck in this rut until 2:30pm when it is all over.  It doesn’t seem too far but why does it feel like eternity?  I need to relax before I errupt but I need methods of how to … get rid of this tension.  Maybe a shower will do.

-Liza

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Frustrations of the Day

Posted on 16 February 2005 by Liza Mae V.

I love that I am calm considering my hectic schedule due to my mass procastinating. I have 3 midterms in which 2 are 2h long and the other just 1h, and on Friday I have 2 assignments due. Did I forget to mention that I am going to New York City on Friday. I started packing but not even close to finishing. I have a feeling that I am not going to sleep on Thursday night, or maybe I should sleep then wake up early. Well I guess it depends on how I feel at the time.

On top of everything the roughness of my relationship has resurfaced. It is like we get in the same arguments but in a different situation. The argument always consists of me expecting something and if it is not had, I become upset. The thing is that I don’t really expect much, so I think. If you are in a relationship, shouldn’t you be able to ask a favor from your significant other and shouldn’t they be the one you should run to first? If I am bitched at for asking … why should I even ask for anything at all?

I know sometimes I may say somethings that shouldn’t be heard, but I guess these little things really suppress what it is I am thinking or feeling. I am scared of the reaction because maybe I am in denial of reality. Or maybe I am in the face of my fears in which I don’t want to deal with. The questions I had in my mind was …

Can I love someone knowing they will never love me the way I love them? How?

-Liza
Thank God for my ‘physical’ journal, or else I think I would of errupted last night. *sigh*

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Get away …

Posted on 05 February 2005 by Liza Mae V.

I need to get away from my home because I need to get away from it all.  

I am tired.  
I am confused.  
I am lost.
I am alone.

Its just one of those days where I just want to say …

FUCK YOU! YOU! & YOU!

I am just so tired of catering to everyone elses ‘wants’ that I am beginning to self errupt.  I had enough.  I’ve reached my breaking point.  I am going to make a fast dash to the exit … to get away from it all. 

[Takes a deep breath]

-Liza
I feel so much better writing that.  *sigh*

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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