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Posted on 27 October 2006 by Liza Mae V.

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Weekend Summary

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Weekend Summary

Posted on 10 September 2006 by Liza Mae V.

So after a long friday at work, we met up at my house for a blockbuster night and some food. He surprised me with a gift in his hand. It made me teary-eyed for it was sweet and perfect for the moment — and now writing about it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. It was not the gift itself but the thought and gesture behind it. I appreciate the small stuff. Love you a million times over!


Carrying a new born is a beautiful thing,
when his body is trying to adapt to the world,
all he can do is hold on with his dear life,
and trust in you that you will protect him,
care for him, and love him with all your soul.
Merely untainted and innocent,
he cries for your dear attention,
and suffers from deprevation
from the warmth of his mother’s womb.
Therefore, he quivers in your hands
trying to adjust to the cold world.
It gives me more reason to be because
he’s a beautiful thing.

Sunday swings along and an addition to the V family is added at 5:55am, weighing in at 7.3lbs of sweet innocence and goodness named Rummie. Though I am not a fan of the name, he is adorable. Ladies watch out!

-Liza Mae

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…shattered pieces…

Posted on 28 May 2006 by Liza Mae V.

Yesterday after Natalie’s BBQ he sat in my car trying to figure me out.

Why was I so upset?
Why am I not happy?
Is it something that he did to cause me to be like this? Possibly.

I do not know why I struggled to tell him but I said somethings that bothered me. He tried to defend his position. Why do I have to fight him to make him listen? Why is always in defense? I am not trying to attack. I am just telling him what’s up.

In the middle of the conversation the phone rings. It was a female, crying for some attention at 1:40 a.m. begging for him to come over to give her some loving, but he tried to push her aside to one of his male friends but she wasn’t calling for another’s attention. She was calling for him to soothe her, to crush her guts in an attempt to slaughter all the tension she had in her life. So I reacted with such uncertainty. I rarely scream in anger but I did, I told him to get out of my car, twice. He looked at me in shock and he froze in disbelief. I never showed such emotions. He got up and walked to his car. I broke into a million pieces and felt my blood pressure rise. I lost my breath and my throat became heavy. My face was filled with tears that they were pouring from my hands to the car seat. Then the anxiet hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I was losing myself, I felt like I was losing him, I felt like I lost faith.

Then his friend staggered to my car attempting to understand what happened but I could not speak because my tears were speaking for me. I was broken. G then came into my car and told me that the female calling was a friend that was confiding in him through her difficult times of marriage. That she was seeking for attention and that he would never cross me. He told me that things are not what they seem and he can not control what others say to him. He believed that I did not believe in his love for me. That I doubt him and this relationship. When all this time I thought believed in love, I was really a non-believer. When I thought he didn’t understand me, he knew me inside out. He told me things I have never heard roll out from his tongue. He opened up to me. I did not speak the whole time but I nodded. I was still recovering from my attack. He held me. I was no longer lost. I felt a sense of love that I never felt before.

Today is a brand new day — its time to make moves.

-Liza Mae V.

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..words of hate..

Posted on 20 April 2006 by Liza Mae V.

Yesterday I had the first confrontation with someone else other than my parents regarding my relationship with G, or more specifically a ‘black’ man. He parked infront of my house to pick up his card key for his house and to talk for a bit. So my aunt literally lives across the street and she happened to pick up some stuff from my house. So when I finished talking to G, I encountered the most disgusting put-down I have ever had to face in my entire 22 years. The words that spat from her mouth were not totally shocking but they were words of hate. I tried to keep my composure but I had to respond back with “Be quiet”, in less nicer words, if you know what I mean.

I know it is/was an issue with my parents but I’ve been going out with men that are totally not in my racial background and my parents learned to cope with it because they realize that they can’t really STOP what I am doing and that I am old enough to make decisions. Not that I don’t care about my parent’s views but in the end of the day my happiness is what I have to optimize. It seems that whatever you do, you can’t please everybody. Therefore,do what you feel is right despite what everyone thinks. No one should get in your way of happiness.

See you on the other side.

-Liza Mae

P.S. One more week of school left.
P.S.S Then I go to NYC then on a cruise.

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words of confusion

Posted on 18 April 2006 by Liza Mae V.

So he did not pick up the phone … I was concerned, angry, confused, etc. Let me just get to the point. I fcuking hate when people, especially significant others, making statements such as .. “I am with ‘my friend'” … WTF … You are begging for attention. Who the fuck says that unless you are hiding the person you are with or you think I am going to be upset with you. I am more upset that you feel the need to hide it from me, this ‘friend’. I never fail to mention my friends name so that you can be familiar with it, and when the names comes up again, you will have a “a-ha” moment where you remember who I am talking about. On top of that, getting mad that my friends are not in the same area code, has no founding in the argument. Atleast, I attempt to introduce them to you when they are in town … and what do you do, refuse to come out with us. What more can I ask? Don’t complain to me that they aren’t in the same area code, when I give you an opportunity to meet them in person. Also, Yes most of your friends are in Toronto, but have I ever met them? Have I ever been introduced? Answer me that. I am tired of fighting, I am tired of crying … step up to the plate and stop this BS.

That aside .. I need to focus and this took up more time than it should.

Peace.

-Liza Mae

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The Count Down Begins …

Posted on 28 March 2006 by Liza Mae V.

I find it so terrifying that my days of University are almost over yet it seems like so far away since I have so much to accomplish before then. I am so swamped with work that it is all I think of. Until next Friday! Then of course, exams start, but that hasn’t been overwhelming me yet because I am taking one task at a time. *sigh*

Tomorrow I have a presentation and I get nervous when I have to do presentations. Ahhhh. Hopefully my partner will speak more than I because I hate speaking in front of everyone. He seems to love to speak infront of people, so most likely he will speak more. lol.


I miss him. I finally reached a point of stillness within myself with him. I have never reached this point in my life where I am confused about anything and everything is in its place. I feel so refreshed and when days are rough, he gives me a breath of fresh air. Though sometimes he takes my breath away. It amazes me how men or maybe just him, can turn their emotions with a flick of a switch. He could be the most affectionate person one minute, and be totally focused on his work or music, another minute. Woman’s transitions are much slower. After sex we need to cuddle … men just want to pass out. lol. I can’t speak for all sexes but that is what Martina and I spoke of the other day. Everyday I do not see him, my days do not feel complete, but that’s life. Schedules are conflicting, deadlines have to be met, priorities have to be considered, and there is always tomorrow.

Somedays are more heart wrenching than others because the need for physical touch of our lover is lacking, the affection, the scent of their natural essence, just the feel of their positive aura surrounding us with love.

I miss the feeling.

Some nights I crawl in a ball in my bed, holding my pillow wishing it was replaced with him. Solid as a rock, but he has this warmth that heats up my soul. He’s the reason for my being.

Ever wake up and think what’s the point of all this life that I am living? I found that meaning. To love him and be loved by him. To learn to adapt to each others weaknesses and build each other to become better people.

This has been the most stable I’ve been in my life. It is better than the ‘honey moon’ stage or first few months of a relationship because there is no more guessing,
‘How does he feel about me?’
‘How do i feel about him?’
‘Is this feeling real or surreal?’
etc.
Everything is clear, though somedays are cloudy. Most of the time the sunshines through our disagreements and we find our way through it. I realized how important communication between us is the medium that brings us back to the middle. My emotions aren’t so confusing, jumping from one extreme to the next (ex. Happy to Sad, vice versa). My emotions aren’t controlled but they reach this equilibrium state after the extremes are reached.

Just to think I was questioning EVERYTHING about him, me, and us, a few months ago. Now I feel as though I acquired most of the answers along the way. Picking up the pieces, one by one, getting closer to this point of wisdom and knowledge.

-Liza Mae V.

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Posted on 27 February 2006 by Liza Mae V.

My last entry was a bit intense, so it seemed, so with the wishes of HE — I made it private. We basically worked things out, miscommunication is a bitch. This is the summary of the outcomes in NOT so lamen’s terms.

I argued this … he refuted that.
I fought till my tears dropped … he would not stop …
until my heart ceased to circulate emotions.
He knew this and drew his weapons
unarmoured, he tried to revive me.
I felt his arms against my chest
trying to give me breath
but I was heaving.
I was losing touch of life
but he kept pushing
He listening to my breathing patterns.
He resuscitated without hesitating.
I survived.
All he had to do was listen to learn.

I will tell the story soon but it is late.

-Liza Mae V.

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Protected: ..tears from fears..

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Protected: ..tears from fears..

Posted on 23 February 2006 by Liza Mae V.

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Do I enjoy pain?

Posted on 08 September 2005 by Liza Mae V.

Well we kissed & made up … for now.

I know things haven’t been the greatest and I don’t know if they will ever reach that point again … but atleast I am not giving up too soon.  Or is it my delusion thats leading me to believe that I am not giving up but in reality it is really hard for me to let go?  Everyone knows how hard it is to say good-bye to someone you care about.  Am I that desperate?  I mean, why do us woman fall in love with the wrong type of man?  It feels like I love too much … or love being in pain, in which, I am a masochist.  Is love just a form of masochism?

-Liza Mae 

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About Liza Mae

I am a twenty-somethings female photographer in search of love, the meaning of life, and adventure. I am passionate about anything photography from the snap to the click.

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